If you’ve always sucked at sports but dreamed of playing for the Tigers, hitting the game-winning home run in extra innings or dunking over Shaquille O’Neal as the point guard for the Pistons, then you might be a video game player.
Or maybe you just don’t have any friends, and the combobulation of pixels beaming with light make for a good replacement when the hours drag by.
If you don’t play video games, get a friggin’ console already.
If you really do play sports, that’s no excuse. Even the pros play Sega’s “NFL 2K3” and “NBA 2K3.”
Want the college flavor? Get “NCAA College Football 2K3” and pound those pesky Wolverines into the ground. Start your own school and name it after yourself, then give your players’ uniforms those sexy colors you’ve always fantasized about.
Actually got friends? Well give them a controller, then chase ’em and slay ’em in Eidos Interactive’s new first-person shooter “TimeSplitters 2.” There’s nothing more fun than shooting your friends in this amazing game from the original creators of the “GoldenEye 007” hit for the Nintendo 64.
Need a thrill? Play tournaments with a bunch of people and have the loser run around the dorm naked, then pull the fire alarm so everyone can witness it - wait, no, don’t. Just get them to order food for the triumphant victors who have so callously exploited them to such embarrassment.
Persuaded? All that’s left to be decided now is which of these magnificent machines is right for you.
There are currently three major consoles available and all are good, but some are better than others for specific reasons. If you’re rich, buy all three and give them cute names because they’ll be the only things you interact with for a while.
Now, on to the list, starting with the cheapest.
The $149.99 Nintendo GameCube is a powerful 485 megahertz processing wizard so tiny one could hide it in his or her briefcase, take it to work and play it when the boss isn’t looking. It has incredible games unavailable for other consoles, such as the amazing remake of “Resident Evil,” the astounding psychological thriller “Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem” and favorite Nintendo-only characters: Mario, Metroid Prime and Zelda.
“The GameCube is a great family system,” Haslett resident Chemito Rodriguez said, a computer programmer in his spare time. “It has many titles focused toward the younger gamers and with titles coming out that can use the Game Boy Advance, it really adds to the gaming experience.”
It’s complete with beautiful graphics, great quality and a super speedy processor, all at a low, low price. The only letdowns are it requires separate memory cards to save games, a smaller controller and, since it is a relatively new machine, it currently has the least amount of games, but some amazing titles will be here soon.
Next, and perhaps the older and wiser of the three, is the Sony PlayStation 2, which has more than a year head start over the others. This $199.99 elder is a 300 MHz game library. It has the largest selection of games, and it also plays all your old PS One games so you never have to throw away your “Tomb Raider” games (or infatuation with Lara Croft).
“I bought it because it was the only console with ‘Grand Turismo 3,’” Grand Rapids resident Adam Jones said. “It also has the most games so why wouldn’t you want a PS2?”
This baby is the only console with the rights to the frighteningly enjoyable game “Grand Theft Auto III.” If you’ve never heard about it, well, maybe you should try exiting that square thing with a handle more often. Also only for the PS2 is Electronic Arts’ “Medal Of Honor Frontline” and Square’s “Final Fantasy X.”
It also plays DVDs straight out of the box. However, it does require memory cards to save games and long load times can be a little frustrating if you’re used to the old cartridges of yester-years.
And finally, the best is always saved for last, Microsoft’s $199.99 lovechild - the Xbox. This bad boy is the whopping 733 MHz super-god of gaming. It also has an internal eight GB hard drive to save games to your heart’s content. Even cooler, you can burn your own songs onto it and play them during Activisions’ “Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3” rather than listening to the given soundtrack, which gets old quick. There’s nothing funnier than playing “NHL Hitz 2002” and hearing Britney Spears in the background singing “hit me baby one more time.” Not that people would do that, but the thought is amusing.
Anyway, it is the only console with IGN.com’s Game of the Year for 2001 Bungie Software’s first-person shooter “Halo.” Also only for the Xbox, the best and prettiest baseball game to date, Sega’s “World Series Baseball,” and the most comfortable controller yet to keep one’s hands cozy.
“It’s the only controller that actually fits in an adult’s hands,” mechanical engineer senior Josh Miller said, “rather than only an 11-year-olds.”
It is also broadband ready for when Xbox Live takes effect in the fall, but it’ll cost $50 for a one year membership above your own broadband connection fee. But it’ll be worth it to kick some kid’s butt over in Ohio in football.
Another Xbox disappointment - it plays DVDs, but only if you shell out more money for the remote that lets you view them, and again, there are only 70 or so games available now, but there’ll be more - plenty more.
So enough waiting already, get out there and pound some buttons with the pretty neighbors across the hall.
