This is not an anti-substances letter, nor is this meant to place blame on anyone. There’s nothing wrong with indulging on a night out, I love an occasional cheeky drink at the end of the week too. Rather, I’m imploring folks to take a second and reconsider using drinks or a quick smoke as a coping mechanism in stressful social situations. 

After all, walking into a room of strangers and into an atmosphere which you aren’t sure is willing to hold you is no simple job. Now you have to step out there and try not to make a fool of yourself. What if you make the wrong joke? You think that person just looked at you weirdly. Maybe you laughed too loud. Oh, did you insert yourself too aggressively into someone else’s conversation? But, right, none of that matters if you’re not overthinking anymore because you’ve had a few drinks, and the next morning you can’t remember your blunders from last night. 

Though, don’t you think it’d be nice to remember names and conversations the next day? Making friends and maintaining relationships might be easier if you could remember the people you meet each weekend. Besides, I find it challenging to believe that you can get to know your homegirl at a function if you only repeat the same polite 'how are you?' every time you happen to run into each other again.

Let me give you some credit, however. Being a good conversationalist is a lost art. It’s just particularly noticeable at a party because it's the one space that is designed entirely to have strangers speak to one another. At a party, there’s nothing to hide behind, and it quickly becomes clear that people have no idea how to interact without a social crutch.

Thus, the overreliance on substances. Inhibitions are lowered, and hearts can be worn on sleeves without worry. It can be easy to let it serve as a shield, a haze to hide behind. Nothing you say really matters because the blame can be placed on something other than yourself. There’s no accountability, and it’s easier to explain it away when the sun rises.

Instead of properly learning how to navigate and create good conversation, people turn to substances to survive a new encounter. I think it’s a shame that this is what human interaction has been reduced to. Young people are lucky to walk away with a genuine connection nowadays.

Here’s the thing. Good social and conversational skills don’t appear magically. I’m afraid that’s not how it works even though many of us wish they did. 

It’s not a small feat. It can be demoralizing, and somewhat of a humiliation ritual to make friends. Trying to make friends can make you feel like Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy when she says “Pick me, choose me, love me.” It turns out, making friends is one of the most vulnerable acts you can commit yourself to.

Doing it sober means being brave. And the thing about life is that you’re going to have to do a lot of brave things in order to grow. I promise, it’s easier to try and fail now than it is to unlearn being reliant on something you might not always be able to rely on. 

I’ve had multiple acquaintances and friends tell me that it’s “easier” to socialize with something in their system. Or, that they’re able to do karaoke as long as they’re weaving on their feet. No inhibitions feels good.

Like I said, approaching strangers as a bid for connection can be scary sometimes; the words you want to say just shrivel up in your mouth. 

To that, I say: do it scared.

Do it scared until your heart only flutters sometimes and no longer palpitates. No, I’m not claiming that this is easy when you’re first giving it a shot. You’re going to feel off-kilter, a little unsteady, but that’s part of the process. Do it scared until you’re not faking it anymore, and it becomes second nature.

I, too, used to be horrified when I knew I had to go socialize with strangers. I didn’t have anyone give me a heart-to-heart like this, so I had to take that leap alone, but I can assure you the other side is worth it. Embrace the nerves and trust that you’re welcome in the room you’ve walked into. And if for whatever reason you aren’t, then you’ve discovered that these people aren’t meant for you.

I’m going to let you in on a secret, though: it’s all about curiosity. You have to want to know this person. Anything else is only going to land you back to square one. Stop worrying about how you’re being perceived for one minute and be present in the moment.

You’re going to want to remember the people meant for you. You’ll want to remember that you do want to invite them and their friends to play soccer with you on Sunday afternoons. You’ll want to remember that you meant to ask them if they’d grab a coffee with you so you can properly discuss what you really think about Deftones.

At the end of the day, you have to sit with that fear, with that excitement. Dulling it with alcohol or whatever else doesn’t make you better at conversation. Sure, you don’t fall and embarrass yourself, but you also don’t train yourself to be better. It’s more that you found a temporary fix to your problem. The long-term solution is to face the music. Initiate that friendship without help, bring good vibes to everyone you meet and put your best foot forward. You’ll be better off for it.

Isabell Ku is a senior studying English.