The real question that lies behind the curated looks and iced matchas: is it all real or just pretend?

For years, being well-dressed and well-read was the peak of self-actualization. It was considered admirable for men to put on a look that reflected his personality while sat at a café with feminist literature. But that’s all changed now that it’s hit the internet algorithms. What were once charming personal traits have become part of a culture fueled by the very real desire to be viewed positively and, perhaps at a deeper level, wanted.

It’s no crime to want to be liked. Everyone wants to belong somewhere. In the end, life is a performance, as some TikTokers have begun to note as of late. Everyone is performing in some way, shape or form. Anyone can choose to be anything and anyone. It's a choice that's made again and again over the course of everyone's lifetime.

It's not always easy, but the old adage does go “fake it till you make it." So as much as performative men are reviled, it’s not entirely their fault. In an age where TikTok trends and internet fads are encouraged, however, perhaps it’s time to choose sincerity.

The freedom to choose who you want to be is dangerously alluring. And in a society that says in order to be “man enough” you should, among endless other things, be sporty, not cry, and be independent, men feel like they aren't enough. These requirements are unrealistic and only serve to make them feel worse when they can’t achieve these impossible standards. When men can’t meet these expectations, they turn to other methods of being accepted (such as embracing unorthodox habits and interests). Thus, the performative man is born.

And in a post-COVID, technology driven world, people have forgotten what it’s like to socialize in real life. For young men in particular, Isolation has received much more attention online. So again, I have to wonder if the lack of authenticity is where many of the issues in society stem from. Young men are falling prey to algorithms driven by poor body image and the desire to belong to something. The standards that Western patriarchal society maintains only further disadvantage men from fulfilling the basic need for community and intimacy.

If men want to be wanted, the key is to follow this so-called performance with real action. If you put the right energy out into the world, chances are, you’ll find the right people orbiting closer. Whether it’s caring about how you speak to another person, to how well you care for yourself, people are drawn to kindness and sincerity when much of it has been lost with the influx of generative AI and social media. 

What irks people the most when spotting a performative man isn’t that he’s wearing wire earphones or loafers from G.H. Bass. It’s that it’s all carbon copied from the internet. Does he actually enjoy wearing these items? Does he actually like an iced matcha? Or are they all simply chosen to be “not like other guys?”

As for the men who actually enjoy reading on the bus or are eco and ethically conscious when grocery shopping, suddenly they’re viewed as frauds. It can certainly feel daunting when your genuine interests and behaviors are immediately presumed as “performative”. However, that has to say more about the rest of society than the men that choose to read Sylvia Plath. Keep reading Sylvia Plath. Keep reading feminist literature. Maybe those who pretend to will eventually consume them with true intent and might even learn a thing or two in the process.

While I call on all men to challenge societal expectations and the patriarchy, it’s worth remembering that they’re just as human. There shouldn’t be boxes to check in order to become the “ideal guy." More often than not, people appreciate when other people are genuine. It’s a message heard time and time again, but truly, people simply want others to embrace individuality and sincerity. 

In this race to be the most desired in a society that chooses and changes its opinion in a blink of an eye, maybe it is how content you are that matters more. The only question that remains is how you’re supposed to stand out when singularity is dying and personal styles have become entire cultures. Maybe it all comes down to caring more about others. Not in the way you’re perceived by others, but in wanting to be a better, cooler, kinder person for yourself and for the people that make up a community.

Isabell Ku is a columnist at The State News. She is a junior studying English and French and the Recruitment Chair of College Democrats at Michigan State University. The views in this article are her own and independent of The State News.