Friday, March 29, 2024

Roommates to best friends: How students turned online conversations to real life friendships

February 23, 2022
<p>Sophomore roommates Gabriella Lopez and Bella Johnson watch their roommate Jenna Drew play video games. Taken on Feb. 14, 2022.</p>

Sophomore roommates Gabriella Lopez and Bella Johnson watch their roommate Jenna Drew play video games. Taken on Feb. 14, 2022.

Photo by Jared Osborne | The State News

Living with a roommate for the first time is a riveting experience and a drastic change for many students. However, an all-too-common story is a friendship breaking apart after living together. 

“A lot of us come to college, and we’ve lived one way our entire lives,”  Director of Communications for Residential Housing Services Kat Cooper said. “We’ve lived with our family, and we’ve fit into that dynamic for so long, and we’re being asked to completely change it.”

The biggest deliberation for many students is finding their roommate, and although some friendships fail to blossom, others become lifelong friends.

Some students prefer moving in with friends from high school, while others decide to take the leap of faith and go in blind. However, the use of social media frequently comes into play.

Incoming students post profiles on Facebook groups featuring photos and information about them in hopes of their future roommate asking to learn more about them in the comment section.

“(Students) felt like it allowed them to have some agency for themself and trying to find somebody that they thought they would be a good connection with,” Associate Director for Residence Education Coree Newman Coronado said. “Rather than leaving it more to chance or risking a friendship from high school or from their hometown.”

As the class admin for the MSU Class of 2023 Facebook group, fisheries and wildlife junior Gabe Phibbs works to accept members to the group and report inappropriate posts.

Coming from a rural area, Phibbs said his hometown only had a small handful of students who committed to MSU.

“I went in blind,” Phibbs said. “It didn’t work out (for) me my first year, so (the Facebook group) is definitely advantageous if you really want to find friends.”

Environmental geography sophomore Jenna Drew lived on campus last spring without a roommate and didn’t know many people on campus.

“It was kind of hard to make friends at first,” Drew said. “I was super nervous about not finding anyone, but once I did, I had a great time and am super happy I was there for the spring semester.”

Through the MSU Class of 2024 Facebook group, Drew and journalism sophomore Gabriella Lopez decided to room together with a third roommate for their sophomore year.

“We have kind of the same sense of humor,” Lopez said. “So (we) just kind of hit it off. I mean, I honestly didn’t know her very well until I really moved in.”

In the fall, Lopez and Drew went to football games and farmers markets together. Lopez also enjoys watching Drew play video games.

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Civil engineering sophomore Reese Worden and political science pre-law sophomore Matt Spanich met their freshman year, in a different way.

Worden and Spanich joined a GroupMe and Snapchat group when they were in the same pre-calculus class that connected them to playing Xbox together. Their online conversations evolved to meeting in person and spending time with each other over the summer.

Both being the only child in their families, it took some initial getting used to sharing a room with each other.

“It took a week,” Spanich said. “Then we kind of just got to the point where, ‘We’re living together, we’re gonna share everything, we’re using the same space, just be mindful of each other.’ ... We’re really easy-going people, so we don’t get really stressed about that kind of stuff.”

Together Worden and Spanich work out together, play video games and do homework together. Worden laughed as Spanich said “Among Us” was one of the earlier games that kicked off their friendship.

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Being nervous when meeting new people is normal, Lopez said, but it was a relief for them to be roommates initially to now friends.

“I feel like being friends with your roommate isn’t something that’s always a given ‘cause I know a lot of people don’t like their roommates,” Drew said. “I feel like I’m pretty lucky that I get along with my roommates.”

Both pairs of roommates plan on moving in together next fall: Worden and Spinach will be living with a third roommate from their freshman pre-calculus class, and Lopez and Drew will be living together with a third roommate, as well.

According to an article written by Robert M. Emerson, professor emeritus in the Department of Sociology at UCLA, one of the main reasons for roommate conflicts is the initial desire for unwanted confrontation to not only preserve their current relationship, but to convince or pressure the roommate to change their behavior.

According to the article, “In these situations, systematic exclusion and exit are generally precluded, with troubled parties instead elaborating and relying on an array of complex managerial and complaining responses.” 

Through living with Drew, Lopez learned to not go in with a lot of expectations, not to take all things seriously when it comes to communicating with your roommates and recommended spending time and making memories together.

“You can’t expect people to do the same stuff,” Drew said. “Something I was worried about coming in was how I do things (and) if that’s going to be different (than) how other people do things. I would just say make sure you don’t hold somebody to something that maybe they’ve never grown up doing.”

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Newman Coronado said students often learn more about themselves when they live with someone else.

“At least (have) some baseline of agreements about how you think it might work together, so that if there’s really, definitely something that’s not gonna be a good fit together, you can try to either come to a consensus before you’re in the moment of it or decide that maybe that’s not the right match,” Newman Coronado said.

Whether a college roommate is found on social media or not, Cooper believes communication is a key life skill roommates can learn through living together, but also as students move into future relationships.

“I don’t think it really matters how they do it,” Cooper said. “I think what matters is that they’re really looking at those dimensions that are gonna make someone a good roommate for them.”

This story is part of our 2022 spring housing guide. Read the full issue here.

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