The dominance  that MSU has exerted in my time on campus over the little sister down the road is almost hard to watch. And I always thought it was the Wolverines who were supposed to feel sorry for us Spartans.

We're here for you, Ann Arbor. Seriously, we're here for you.

The phrase "Not our real rival" is thrown around with an ease among Wolverines, an ease that reflects the delusional nature that those people live with every day. Ohio State is going to beat you too, I know, but we're not our rival? Come on.

 But hey, I'm not here to fight. Let's entertain your notion of this not really being much a rivalry. 

MSU has won five of the past six years in football and beat U-M for the Big Ten title in basketball. Outside of sports, our parties are louder, our women are prettier and The State News actually gets nominated for national awards and not just regional ones.

You know, come to think of it, "not our rival" might be the most inarticulate rubbish to spew from the arrogant, entitled country-club Michigan fan's mouth since the 1999 Rose Bowl.

So what does the poor Michigan fan do? Well, if you work at The Michigan Daily, you'll probably resort back to attacking the quality of our student publications, because there's really no ammunition left. But we can look at that too, and this'll be fun for the Michigan fan because we know you guys love to talk about the past.

The State News has won 14 Pacemaker awards for the print publication, the highest prize in college journalism. The Michigan Daily has not. Not even close.

The Michigan fan will probably talk about their winning streak against The State News in the two-hand shove football game we hold once a uear. When we take that from you, the way that MSU has taken everything from U-M in this rivalry, you will literally have nothing left. 

MSU will win on Saturday. Period. To pile anything else on your pathetic, kale-eating, Prius-driving town would be like putting a kid in a football game when he had a concussion.

Oh, still too soon?

You can call us "little brother" all you want, but after The State News beats the Michigan Daily this weekend, I suspect you'll have run out of things to say.

And that dueling column next year? It'll be even easier for the guy who comes after me.