Girls

1. You’re horrible drivers:
Speed limits are suggestions, cell phones are either in hand or within reaching distance, and the music is always so loud the sounds of the concerned driver’s car horns can’t be heard.

2. You steal our clothes:
Guys, say goodbye to every sweatshirt, pair of sweatpants or T-shirt from high school with your name on it you ever owned.

3. When you get too drunk:
Want to know what a girl really thinks about you, or maybe even what you’ve done wrong in the past week to tick her off? Share a few bottles of wine and let the battle begin.

4. When you pretend like you’re going to pay for things:
Let’s be honest. Although you made it a point to show the waitress your debit card, you knew in advance you wouldn’t be paying for your dinner.

5. When you say you’re not like “other girls:”
Honestly, the girl you’re currently with doesn’t enjoy the things most girls like. And you know this is true. She’s already told you and your friends this … multiple times.

6. When you want to know stuff about us. And by stuff, I mean everything:
“Why didn’t it work out between you and your ex?” “Why did you tweet this two months ago?” “Don’t you think you should have a doctor check out that mole?”

7. When you pretend to like everything we like:
I’m not saying we don’t believe you, it would just be nice if you didn’t change the music we put on in the car all the time.

8. When you comment on how dirty we are:
Seriously though, we’ve seen your bedrooms, too. We just choose to keep our opinions to ourselves.

Guys

1. Your dirty bathrooms:
I’m sitting at a guy’s house watching a movie and trying to resist the urge to use the bathroom because I know what’s waiting for me in there. The hairs sprinkled all over the toilet seat, the weird white crust in the sink, the bathtub that looks like it came out of a scene from “Saw.” Maybe it’d be best if we were just friends…

2. You call everything gay, homo or retarded:
When guys use the same three words to describe practically everything, they just sound stupid. You’re not Daniel Tosh. Don’t talk like him.

3. When you get too drunk:
There’s nothing more unattractive than a guy crying, slurring his speech or telling you how badly he could kick that guy’s ass at the party. When girls have to endure this, it’s always the moment we think, “I’m not drunk enough for this.”

4. When you use the same jokes again and again:
No, I won’t make you a sandwich.

5. When you wear low-cut V-necks:
I’ve waited 22 years to find someone with chest hair like yours. I’m so happy you chose to wear that plunging, deep V-neck to the bar tonight. But seriously … have you been stealing my shirts again?

6. You can’t take a hint:
You texted me eight times in a row with no response. Did you really think to yourself, “Ninth time’s the charm,” before you sent that last one?

7. When you wear cut-offs:
Wow. All those nights at IM Sports-West really paid off. Tell me again which sports you played in high school.

8. You love to say girls always are nagging you:
It’s not called nagging; it’s called improving…