If anyone should understand the depths of Iraq's nuclear capabilities - past and present - Imad Khadduri believes it is himself.

For 30 years, Khadduri, 59, collected and processed the information that fueled Saddam Hussein's controversial nuclear program.

As an honors physics student at MSU in the 1960s, Khadduri - an Iraqi nationalist, scientist and an outspoken political critic - extracted the learning skills at the university that would place him at the forefront of the nuclear weapons debate that ultimately ignited last year's war in Iraq.

As a child in Iraq, Khadduri absorbed an appreciation for Iraqi culture and learned the importance of quality education.

As an adult, he witnessed wars and faulty leadership that led to the decimation of Iraqi society.

"I know the pain of my people," he said during a phone interview from Richmond Hill, Ontario, a suburb of Toronto.

And, as a dissident who escaped from Iraq to Canada in 1998 to provide higher education for his own children, he engaged in a war of words on behalf of the Iraqi people, claiming that his nation's nuclear weapons program was destroyed long ago.

In September, Khadduri published his memoirs, detailing his Iraqi childhood, the cold treatment he received while studying at MSU and the University of Michigan and his experiences as an Iraqi nuclear scientist.

With an urgency to release his intimate knowledge of the Iraqi program, Khadduri shed his low-profile life and began refuting U.S. policy in the Middle East.

"I have a lot of respect for the American people," he said. "I don't want to insult them. I just want them to wake up and see what is happening in their name."

Growing up in Iraq

Khadduri said his warm and wholesome upbringing in Iraq instilled within him a deep dedication to his homeland.

Growing up on the outskirts of Baghdad, Khadduri was an exuberant child, who prospered in the company of his extended family. Showered in the rich traditions of Iraqi culture, he recalls his formative years as "solid."

His mother, Mari Abaji Khadduri, learned to speak French fluently and stayed at home with her two children. His father, Yousif Yaqoub Khadduri, worked for nearly 40 years as a doctor, serving patients in a poor Baghdad neighborhood.

His family was Christian and placed great value on education and knowledge. Imad Khadduri's grandfather had provided higher education for his father and uncle.

"It is in the tradition of my family, even my grandfather, that the children should get the best education available from the parents," Imad Khadduri said. "My father did the same for us."

In the late 1940s, Imad Khadduri and his brother, Walid, began accumulating the knowledge that would lead them to their studies in the U.S.

"I was fortunate that we had one of the best education systems in the Middle East at the time," Imad Khadduri said.

Yousif Yaqoub Khadduri sold all of his possessions so Imad and Walid Khadduri could earn doctorates.

"When he died, he had only five dollars to his name, but he said, 'I built two castles - Walid and Imad.'"

An American student

The Iraqi education primed the Khadduri brothers for success in the United States and at MSU. But nothing would ready Imad Khadduri for his transition into American culture when he began working toward his physics degree in 1961.

Academically, Imad Khadduri had no trouble adjusting. As a 17-year-old freshman, he said he earned perfect marks.

In many senses, Imad Khadduri was a typical student. He lived in East Shaw Hall for four years, serving as a resident aide for the final three.

He primarily studied physics, but took classes that improved his speech and taught him life-saving skills.

"The breadth of the education that you get in these four years was quite intensive," he said. "The different topics we took were very enlightening. So when I went back to Baghdad, this discipline - how to study, how to accumulate experience - was ingrained in me by my Michigan State education, which I very much appreciate."

As a resident aide in Shaw Hall, he learned the organizational skills that would help him later.

Outside of the classroom, Imad Khadduri became familiar with other aspects of American life.

He was introduced to the "extravaganza" of American football. With his American girlfriend at his side, he saw "Fantasia" on the big screen in East Lansing in 1963.

He dined at Coral Gables, enjoying pizza and beer. In his spare time, he learned karate and took part in gatherings at the Union.

Forty years later, he still remembers many of the people he encountered at MSU.

Fauzi Najjar, a young instructor and adviser to the Arab student club at the time, still remembers the Khadduri brothers today.

Najjar, a retired professor who is still associated with the university after 47 years, said he recently regained contact with the brothers.

"He was very much interested in world affairs and Arab affairs," said Najjar, who resides in East Lansing.

In the mid-1960s, Najjar said there were fewer than 15 Iraqi students at MSU. The Arab student club was active, often holding lectures and seminars about world issues as well as social gatherings.

The brothers - both politically inclined - were deeply involved with Arab society, taking up the cause of the Palestinians during their time at MSU.

As a student at MSU and U-M, Imad Khadduri often wrote letters to the college newspapers, The State News and The Michigan Daily. After earning a physics degree in 1965, Imad Khadduri was admitted to a nuclear physics graduate program at U-M.

By lending his voice to the dividing issue, Imad Khadduri said he opened himself to a dark side of American culture.

He said, "seeing the people who supported Israel at Michigan State and the vehemence at which they supported Israel, and the vehemence at which they attacked me and even threatened my life at several occasions - that really opened my eyes."

Taking up a cause

When he joined his brother at MSU, Imad Khadduri didn't anticipate the "shock" he'd face when he realized that he was an outsider to American culture.

"At the time, I thought there were no friends in the United States - no real friends, just acquaintances," he said.

As time passed during his studies in the United States, that cold realization set in.

"I had a disdain toward American life," he said. "I did not think it was human enough for me. I preferred my Arab culture and the bonds and depth of that culture to the American dollar way of life."

As a student at MSU, Imad Khadduri said he received his first threats as a result of his political voice. Those threats, he said, intensified when he began his graduate studies at U-M.

On one occasion, Imad Khadduri said he and a friend interrupted a fund-raiser for Israel, appealing to gatherers to donate money, instead, to the Palestinian cause. They collected $4,600.

His brother, who graduated in 1963, remained active in supporting Arab politics in the United States as he studied social sciences.

Motivated by the escalating conflict, Imad Khadduri abandoned his graduate studies in nuclear physics at U-M in 1967 and joined the Palestinian Liberation Organization guerrilla training camps in Jordan.

In "Iraq's Nuclear Mirage," Imad Khadduri writes about a visit from PLO leader Yasser Arafat.

Impressed with Imad Khadduri, Arafat issued an order for him to be sent to Baghdad to campaign for the Palestinian cause.

"(Arafat) had felt that I was too valuable, at that time, to remain a guerilla fighter," Imad Khadduri wrote.

Imad Khadduri's involvement on the front lines of the Palestinian movement wouldn't last long once he returned to Iraq. A rift with party leaders forced Imad Khadduri to again consider his future.

Nuclear reactor

Back in Baghdad in 1968, Imad Khadduri was unsure of his next move when a friend invited him to work at Iraq's Nuclear Research Institute.

He began working on a Soviet-built reactor, which would become one of the most controversial projects of the late 20th century.

Imad Khadduri completed his doctoral studies in nuclear technology at University of Birmingham in England.

Within a year of joining the nuclear facility, Saddam Hussein took power in Iraq.

Then, Imad Khadduri explained, Saddam "was just an upstart. No one knew how much evil would come out of this man. He was in the shadows until then."

On one occasion, in 1976, Saddam visited the reactor. As the leader explored the laboratory, he encountered Imad Khadduri. By habit, the young scientist had his hands in the pockets of his laboratory coat.

"As he walked in front of me, without even turning his head to see me, his hands lifted my hands out of my pockets," Imad Khadduri remembered. "He just kept walking."

Reflecting on the meeting, Imad Khadduri said there were two possible explanations for Saddam's actions.

"Either he was afraid I was hiding something in my hand like a weapon and he wanted to be sure there was nothing in my hand," he said. "Or, it was a sign of disrespect that when the president moves in front of you, you stand in attention, not with your hands in your pockets as an impolite gesture."

Khadduri would work on Iraq's nuclear technology for 30 years, but he refused to take on higher management roles, preferring to focus on research rather than bureaucratic positions.

Saddam decided to accelerate his nuclear program after Israel bombed an Iraqi nuclear plant in 1981.

"When I joined the military's nuclear program to build a nuclear bomb, I was assigned the task of finding and providing the scientific information necessary for the nuclear bomb," he said. "And that I did."

By the time the first Iraqi war began in 1991, the country had already began its downslide after eight years of fighting with Iran, Imad Khadduri said.

During the Persian Gulf War in 1991, Imad Khadduri claimed that the "American bombs destroyed not only the infrastructure of weapons, but they destroyed power stations, oil refineries, water treatment plants and sewage plants."

But Saddam's lack of credibility caused the international community not to believe his statements.

Imad Khadduri said, "Even though he was saying there were no weapons of mass destruction, they are all gone, nobody believed him."

Escaping from home

A week after the 1991 war, Imad Khadduri told his boss that he wanted to retire. At the time, he believed the nation's nuclear program was crushed and would never be completely revived.

He registered his request at that time, knowing it would take him at least six or seven years to have his wish granted. By that time, he assumed his children would be ready to pursue higher education.

Wanting to avoid the United States because of his own experience there, Imad, his wife, Niran, and their three children chose to move to Canada.

"I tried to leave Iraq legally," he said. "But then I found out they were lying to me. They wouldn't let me leave legally when I tried very hard.

"Finally, they confiscated the passports of my children so I can't leave. So we bribed our way out and we escaped."

In Canada, Imad Khadduri found a different culture from the one he encountered in the United States in the 1960s.

Upon arriving in Canada, Imad Khadduri taught himself the necessary materials to pass the exams to become a certified computer network administrator. He now works for Seneca College in Toronto. His wife works as a computer scientist.

As the Khadduri family led a quiet existence in suburban Toronto, two Canadian intelligence officers came to their home in 1998 and warned them that they were being watched by an Iraqi spy.

For the next three and a half years, the Khadduri family remained low-profile.

Taking up another cause

Imad Khadduri broke his silence 18 months ago, when he refused to keep quiet as the United States mounted a war against Iraq.

With an intricate knowledge of the Iraqi nuclear program, Imad Khadduri began writing articles and drafting the manuscript for "Iraq's Nuclear Mirage."

His concern about the state of Iraq grew after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. At the time, he believed the United States would respond violently.

In the days leading up to the March invasion of Iraq, President Bush said Saddam's government was developing dangerous weapons that could threaten the United States. These warnings came as weapons inspectors looked for evidence of nuclear capability within the nation's borders.

Iraqi scientists, at the time, came forward acknowledging the capabilities.

But Imad Khadduri was convinced that all of the equipment had been destroyed years ago.

When he heard speeches by Bush in late 2002 about a rejuvenated nuclear program in Iraq, Imad Khadduri said, "I turned to my wife and said, 'I'm not going to keep quiet any more. This is a lie, a blatant lie.'"

Imad Khadduri began contacting publications in hopes of sharing his knowledge of Iraq's nuclear weapons program. He was often shunned before connecting with Erich Marquardt, the publisher of YellowTimes.org, an alternative viewpoint publication.

"My first impression of Imad was that of skepticism," said Marquardt, in a written response to questions. "After verifying his credentials, his description of Iraq's nuclear weapons program seemed much more accurate than the claims coming out of the White House."

In his articles written for YellowTimes.org and in his book, Khadduri explains that leading Iraqi nuclear scientists were living in poverty as the programs ceased to exist.

"All they needed to do was take a look at the scientists," he said. "Look at the cars they are driving, their homes without doors.

"These are scientists who are going to build you a nuclear bomb?"

As Imad Khadduri began to speak out and craft his manuscript, his wife grew concerned that his vocal efforts would focus negative attention on the family.

"In the beginning, it was something unusual because of our specific situation and that, when we left Iraq, we escaped Iraq," Niran Khadduri said. "We were always sort of afraid of being followed by the government."

His wife of 27 years hoped he would write the book and put his memoirs in print, but that he wouldn't publish the material.

She quickly learned, however, that publishing the book was necessary for her husband because of the seriousness of the situation in their homeland.

Once Saddam was thrown from power in Iraq, Imad Khadduri was able to publish his manuscript in its entirety. He had resisted publishing earlier for fear that those named could be in danger.

Saddam's capture, Imad Khadduri claimed, was the sole benefit of the U.S. invasion of Iraq. Beyond that feat, he criticized U.S. policy and soldiers for the further decimation of Iraqi culture and society.

"We are in a dilemma," he said. "We are glad he is removed, but we are completely against the occupation by the Americans.

"Except for getting rid of Saddam - everything else, get out. Thank you, but goodbye."

In September, "Iraq's Nuclear Mirage" was released as the war waged on.

"I said before the war, 'Rivers of blood will flow'," he said.

Hope for Iraq's future

As conditions in Iraq remain unstable, Imad Khadduri and his family have not returned to their homeland. They hold out hope, though, that they soon will.

But it will take time for the Iraq that Imad Khadduri knew as a child to reappear.

"It will take three generations, but we will again be Iraq," he said.

Imad Khadduri's oldest child has graduated from college, another is working toward a computer science degree and the third will finish high school next year.

After two decades, Walid Khadduri continues to work as the chief executive editor of the Middle East Economic Survey, a weekly oil and gas newsletter based in Cyprus.

Proud of his family's achievements and his Iraqi roots, Imad Khadduri looks forward to a day of peace in his homeland.

In the meantime, he'll continue to shout for justice to anyone willing to listen.

Steve Eder is the State News enterprise reporter. He can be reached at ederstev@msu.edu.