Seeing a bad movie is like accidentally seeing your parents have sex.
You wish you could remove it from your mind, but no matter how hard you try it is always going to be there, turning your stomach.
Some bad movies are successful and even capture awards and critical acclaim, while others are found to be terrible from the minute they get projected on the big screen.
In my 24 years, I have seen movies which I regard as just terrible. Some of them are popular and others are just renowned turkeys. Here are the top ten worst movies - as rated by me.
10. "Top Gun" is basically soft-core porn for women. This movie is one of the cheesiest and predictable films of the '80s. Tom Cruise stars as a hotshot air force pilot who falls in love with his instructor at a U.S. flying school for advanced fighter pilots.
Let's begin with the obvious - it's impossible to give someone the finger while flying upside-down and the only people who enjoy the volleyball scene are women and gay men. So as cool as you and your buddies might think Lt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell (Tom Cruise) and Lt. Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw (Anthony Edwards) are, the movie should have been called "Top Crap" instead.
9. Had "Anaconda" been a porno movie, the plot and acting might have been worth paying to see. From beginning to end you constantly ask yourself, "Why is Jon Voight in this movie?"
Maybe it's for charity - that's how I rationalize Voight's performance as Paul Sarone, the river man who is rescued by a film crew on the Amazon River. The film crew, which consists of Eric Stoltz, Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube, are all in trouble because a giant snake is terrorizing the river. So now you have to watch what is inarguably Voight's worst career move while two lousy pop stars read lines from a script which wasn't worth the toilet paper it was probably written on.
8. Before "The Terminator" and running for governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger made a movie so bad, you wonder how he managed to cull out any kind of career. In "Hercules in New York," the age-old question of what would it be like if a mythical Greek strong man came to the Big Apple gets answered. It sounds tempting at first to watch for the campiness, but resist that urge.
7. Probably the worst leading man was matched with the worst would-be hero, Joe Don Baker as Mitchell, in the 1975 movie "Mitchell."
The story follows a detective going after drug dealers while working on a case of Schlitz Beer and a stack of porno magazines. Not only does Baker lift a six-pack out of a bucket of ice with his toes, but the entire ending of the movie was stolen from "Key Largo." If you are going to steal, then steal from the best, I guess.
6. It won 11 Oscars but is so gut wrenchingly sappy, you're angered every time you see director James Cameron holding up his golden statuette.
I don't care what people say, "Titanic" was over blown, badly written and stacked with lackluster performances. While Russell Carpenter's cinematography was worth rewarding along with the special effects and sound group - this movie should have never made it past those nominations. Oh, and I would have let her drown, too.
5. If I could take away one person's career in Hollywood, it would have to be Joel Schumacher's. If you ever saw "Batman and Robin," then you probably agree with me. Schumacher destroyed a viable and money-making franchise faster than Adam West and Burt Ward could slide down their bat-poles.
4. If the world is ever in danger of being annihilated, at no time do I want my future to be in the hands of Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck. Sappier than "Titanic," "Armageddon" takes the No. 4 spot for its lousy script and bad soundtrack. You can't help but root for the asteroid.
3. Question, how do you make yourself feel stupid? Answer, watch "Dude, Where's My Car?"
2. Good action movies should provide interesting characters, thrills and action that will keep you at the edge of your seat. This to me doesn't mean filming an entire movie on a bus. The movie "Speed," should have stayed in the mind of the movie studio intern that conjured it up.
1. And what is worse than a speeding death bus, an overweight, inept detective or a sinking boat? Try the movie "Manos, the Hands of Fate."
Writer and director Hal Warren was a fertilizer salesman who thought he could make it big in 1960s film. The movie has a plot that goes nowhere along with terrible acting - please don't watch it.
