I’ve never really thought of myself as “macho.”

I don’t wear boots or chop down trees, I don’t chug a six-pack of beer in the span of a couple minutes and I don’t attempt to fine-tune the reverberation in my belches.

I don’t keep much facial hair and I’ve never played football for the sole purpose of being able to hit people hard enough to rupture some kind of internal organ without any serious repercussions.

In fact, I like to cook. I own toys. I am very self-conscious of my hair. And I simply can’t stand the World Wrestling Federation.

That’s not to say I’m completely without masculine qualities.

I scratch when I have an itch. Apparently, I can’t dress myself to save my life - for me, a T-shirt can be fancy.

I’ve had complete conversations with women without once noticing what color their eyes were, or if they even had eyes, for what it’s worth. I like high-tech gadgetry regardless of what it does, as long as it’s sleek, aerodynamic and has buttons I can push.

Chrome is also a plus, and I’m not altogether against rupturing.

Taking this into consideration, you can imagine my surprise when one of my friends accused me of being “such a guy” the other day, just for looking at a girl walking down the street.

I wasn’t sure whether to take that as a compliment, or go shoe shopping and drink cosmopolitans just to balance out the apparently overwhelming amount of testosterone I project.

Apparently, despite my toy-owning, cartoon-watching, gourmet-cooking habits, I am so imposingly masculine it makes others cry out in astonishment.

The thing is, in this day and age, being “such a male” essentially makes you the big, bad villain. It’s not such a good idea to be a man anymore. Everything becomes a case of “stereotypical male pig-headedness.”

If you admire a girl for her brain, then obviously it’s because you think she’s ugly. If you admire her for her body, then naturally, you think she’s dumb. If you watch too many sports, you’re a “meathead” or a “jock.”

Only uncultured Neanderthals like kung fu movies, apparently. And don’t hold the door for a lady, whatever you do. She can hold the door for herself.

Once, I dated a girl who surprised me with a punch to the kidney because I didn’t want to let her pay for our date at a miniature golf course. She slipped the cashier a 10-spot while I caught my breath. She was a crafty girl, but she also had a mean left hook.

Maybe I just don’t understand these things. For years, women have fought to make themselves completely equal to men in every sense possible, even when they haven’t needed to.

There is nothing wrong with a guy wanting to buy his lady friend a meal or hold a door open. There’s no power being stolen there. It’s just the attempt on behalf of our gender to be chivalrous, or at least courteous.

Guys don’t always know the best way to endear ourselves to the opposite sex.

Some girls like flowers, others like jewelry and others like expensive trips to exotic locations. We can’t always pick up on these things, and we certainly can’t always afford the trip to Honolulu, so it’s merely something we do to show we care.

The problem is, it’s not always taken that way. It’s gotten to the point where there aren’t many aspects of society that haven’t been made into gender equality issues.

And it’s not so much a matter of trying to repress anybody or prevent the growth of society as a whole, but I think we need to ease up on this kind of thing, if for no other reason than that I don’t want to get beaten up by my dates anymore.

Our stereotype isn’t so bad.

Is being “male” really that much of a crime? Is it such a bad thing to want to hold the remote control? What’s wrong with holding a door open, or paying for dinner?

And am I so terrible for not having a fashion sense?

I don’t think so. As long as I make it out the door with some combination of shoes, a shirt and a pair of pants, I don’t worry. I don’t have to.

I’m a guy.

Chris Boyer, State News graphic designer, never sees the sucker punch coming. Send him some self-defense tips at boyerchr@msu.edu.