They were encouraging us to explore education abroad opportunities, but the mere off-hand mention of singleness in this context intrigued me. It got me thinking a little deeper about relationship-life balance as a college student. 

Answer me this, dear reader: Would you be less likely to pursue an opportunity if somebody was waiting for you back home? Do relationships hold you back?

Before we go any further, allow me to clearly state that I’m not against dating in college. I myself have a boyfriend. But my relationship came after a good deal of initial desperation and eventual reflection.

I entered my freshman year with the naive belief that I’d be sat next to my husband on the first day of class. My college experience could not truly begin until I had a boyfriend. 

Unsurprisingly, though, I did not leave Intro to Cultural Anthropology with a ring on my finger. Sigh. So began my thankless quest.

No matter what I did, I was trying to will a man into existence. If I was going to a football game, surely he’d be the guy I’d wrap my arm around during the alma mater. If I was going to church, surely he’d be the guy in front of me shaking my hand. One of these days I’d get lucky and he and I would be at the Brody Homestyle ordering mashed potatoes at the same time. 

I no longer thought that I needed a boyfriend to have the full college experience, I fell into believing that a boyfriend was the college experience. And I didn’t care who it would be, I just needed someone to post on my Instagram Story so people from high school would know I was having a great time in college. That I was highly sought after, or something like that.

And what a dangerous mindset to have! I cannot stress that enough. Do not let your college life be centered on one person or one thing. By narrowing your world view and your priorities in such a way, you are limiting yourself and the opportunities you could be receiving. A relationship should live in tandem with your college life, not dominate it.

I tried to write an article about student opinions on dating in college when I was a reporter, but the only people I could find for interviews were first semester freshmen and recent graduates. I considered it an inaccurate representation of the student body and scrapped the story. However, I think their words are useful to take into account here. 

The freshmen I spoke with had both entered college single after ending their long-term high school relationships. They felt they needed the freedom as they embarked on their new journey. On the other end of the spectrum, the two graduates I interviewed had contrasting dating stories. The first one, Jake Anargyros, told me about his former roommate’s relationship, how it drained and damaged him. 

“It took him a long time to heal, it was sad to see,” Anargyros said. “He was less himself.”

Anargyros would described college relationships as having a mirroring effect. When one party was succeeding, both were. When one was struggling, both were, and the aftermath wasn't pretty. 

I have seen friendships ruined, chances missed and spiraling regrets had due to weighty relationships. I know girls whose roommates have vanished into thin air and ceased communication upon deciding to live with their boyfriends full time. I’ve also heard “I wish I went on that trip but my boyfriend wouldn’t let me and now we’re broken up and I’m miserable.” As well as “I wanted to go to one college but I went to another college for my boyfriend and now we’re broken up and I’m miserable,” among other things. 

Dating is so complex and varied that I can't write a singular witty line to sum up everyone’s experience. But I can say that it is so easy to get tunnel vision in relationships. In a period of your life as dynamic and precious as your university years, though, you must have widened eyes. You need to live for yourself.

The other graduate I had spoken to, Jethro Sarmiento, met a girl in his freshman year, navigated the struggles of school and long distance with her, and went on to marry her after college. When I asked about the key to their success, Sarmiento shared with me the words of warning that he had received.

“My parents told me that the second my GPA drops a single point, I’m going to have to have a hard conversation with this girl,” Sarmiento said. 

Of course, parental guidance can be a bit rigid, but I do think it’s a good point: when you’re in college, college comes first. 

As desperate as I was for a relationship my freshman year, I think I knew deep down that I was in no state for one — said desperation should’ve been the first sign. I was too fragile, too dependent. I would’ve totally let my life rest on the shoulders of whoever fell victim to my plea instead of living for myself. 

By the time I got into a relationship at the start of my sophomore year, I was in a place where I felt wholly myself without needing somebody else. I had a great social life, great jobs and I had finally settled into the right major. My life was full and a relationship was an addition. Spending my freshman year single gave me the opportunity to adjust to college life, figure out what I wanted to do with my time at MSU and learn more about what I actually wanted out of a relationship. 

To answer my earlier questions, I don’t think dating in college prevents you from experiencing all that you want to experience, the right person will encourage it, not prevent it! You need to be sure that you’re both secure and prepared before committing. Otherwise, you can get hurt quite easily. 

Your college life, your friends, your adventures, your projects are the scoops of ice cream, a relationship is just the cherry on top. And you’re the cone that holds it all together! 

Melody Meyer is a sophomore studying Journalism with a concentration in sports broadcasting and is a columnist at The State News. The views in this article are her own and independent of The State News.