"MSU saved my life."

I wrote this thought down while awake at 4 a.m. two weeks ago, in tears yet again thinking about the horrific events that took place at MSU. This same thought has haunted my mind throughout the sleepless nights and terrifying dreams of the last two weeks. I know that many MSU stories have already been shared, but I feel that I need to share my own MSU story as well. I don’t know that I would be here today, sharing this with you all, if it had not been for MSU.

The day I first stepped foot on MSU’s campus in August 2016 was the day that I started a new life. I mean that in the truest way possible. Almost overnight, I became a completely new version of myself — one who was true about who they were, one that could openly share the parts of myself that I had always been too scared and ashamed to speak about.

Coming from a tiny, insulated Christian school and community in West Michigan, I was terrified and excited to be joining a community of 50,000+. Yet, MSU welcomed me with open arms. From that very first day moving into Case Hall, I have never again felt the need to lie about my identity, my experience and my truth.

In high school and middle school, I experienced years of severe depression and thoughts of ending my own life. I didn’t know if there was a way “out,” or if living a happy life was possible. But when I stepped into Case Hall on that special day in August 2016, that all changed. I found the truest friends and family in the world; fellow students, faculty and staff that provided their constant love and support; and the freedom to explore my new life without fear. I’ve heard the governor and others refer to schools as a “sanctuary” the last two weeks, and for me, MSU truly was that sanctuary for the entire time I was blessed to spend on that campus.

I will forever be truly grateful for everyone that I met, shared experiences with, and grew to love at MSU. It’d be hard to list everyone that made a difference in my life at MSU, but in particular I think about my fellow students at James Madison College and the Center for Gender in a Global Context; the faculty and staff in both programs that supported my passions and interest in LGBTQ+ health, and who always provided their unwavering support in my personal and professional life; my 2018 Amsterdam study abroad cohort; the folks I lived with in Case Hall that first year; and the close group of MSU friends that have been part of every day and every major moment of my life since August 2016.

Words cannot express the sadness I feel at the tragedy that unfolded at MSU two weeks ago. The place where I first felt safe has had its sense of security shattered. My heart breaks for Arielle, Alexandria and Brian, whose lives were cut short far too early; for their friends and family; and for everyone who will no longer experience the sense of safety and belonging that I felt at MSU during my four years there.

Thoughts and prayers are not enough — we need real policy change to ensure that these acts of violence never happen again. Schools and universities should be a sanctuary, somewhere that everyone can experience the feelings of love, community and safety that I felt for my four years on campus.

MSU saved my life, and for that I will forever be eternally grateful.