Living away from home provides more opportunities for growth and freedom. It forces a person to come into their own and figure out how they’re going to make ends meet, and after college, that’s going to be the reality for a lot of people.

When I look back at the kid I used to be, I’m sure she never would have pictured herself ending up where I am right now.

Little Casey cowered at everything - there are home videos of a three-year-old me screaming in terror as a leaf fell in front of her. Throughout my life, I stayed on the outskirts of conversation, chiming in only when I was addressed directly. I was small, both in size and presence. The world terrified me and kept me close to my mother’s side.

I depended on her to keep me safe and comfortable. I depended on everyone to provide me with that, everyone except for myself.

Now, I’ve completed my freshman year of college, but I’m not going home. I’ve subleased my friend’s apartment and I’ll be living in East Lansing until the end of my sophomore year.

This might not seem like a big deal. A lot of people live away from home right out of college. In the grand scheme of things, I’m not exactly a special case. But in my family, what I’m doing for myself at the age of nineteen is rare. 

My mom stayed at home and attended Henry Ford Community College after leaving Western Michigan University. My grandma didn’t go to college, but she always tells me she wished she had.

When I told my family I would be living in East Lansing, most of their reactions were shocked. I’ve never been an independent person, but here I was, preparing to live on my own, pay for a sublease agreement on my own and support myself completely on my own.

Even with my family’s support for my education, they expected me to come home once classes ended. And to be honest, so did I.

Living away from home forces you to become independent. Even just living in the dorms, without having someone to make sure I go to class or make sure I found time to eat and study, helped me grow as a person. I could only rely on myself, and having a taste of that independence made me want to hold on to it. I used to be completely dependent on others, and I didn’t want to risk reverting back to that.

I think I underestimated how difficult it could be, though. I don’t have money for all the extra things I used to be able to afford. Now, everything goes to rent, food and, soon, bus tickets home. Part of living in East Lansing over the summer included a promise to my family that I’d visit often during these next few months.

Despite everything, I’m making it work. I’m still looking for a second job so I can feel more secure when it comes to money. I’m keeping in touch with everyone back home — I call my mom almost every day and consistently keep in touch with my childhood best friend.

My mom and grandma paid me a visit on Monday and while we were out to eat, my grandma told me she planned to spend most of their trip trying to convince me to come back home. 

My decision to not come back was impulsive and caught everyone off-guard, and part of me did feel bad about it.

My decision had nothing to do with my life back home and everything to do with myself. My freshman year helped me grow immensely as a person. I no longer am terrified of the smallest changes, and I’m taking care of myself now.

Coming to MSU forced me to get out of my comfort zone in a way that I never knew I could. I had to interact with strangers, ask for help and figure out what was best for me. 

While some days it’s terrifying and I miss the security that living at home brought, I’m proud of myself for being able to provide myself with that security instead.

When I explained that to her, she and my mom told me they were proud of me for breaking the mold and trying to do what neither of them could.

Even though I know I’ll always be welcome at home, I think at least trying to live independently is important for a person’s character growth. 

I’m glad I took an opportunity to get a head start in preparing for that future, even if it means delving into something completely foreign to me and my family.

Casey Holland is a State News reporter. Reach her at cholland@statenews.com.