— Tired of the smell!

Dear TOTS,

Hmm! You ever get the feeling that no matter what you say, your bacon is going to get fried (no pun intended)? Being that I am a guy, it may be hard for me to be unbiased. Although you should know that I did shower this morning.

OK, I think it is fair to assume that you have not had a positive experience with dating lately. Let me just start with the following biased insight: Not all guys are pigs! Some are jackasses, others are buffoons and still others are Michigan fans. All kidding aside, men are really no different than you. All women and men have wants, desires and needs. The beauty and the conflict in that is that we all differ in the amount, intensity and variety of such wants, desires and/or needs.

There are many reasons why people “date.” I am going to assume you are “dating” because you have a desire, want or need to “be” with someone. I use the term “be” loosely, since some people are not looking for a commitment. It sounds like you are looking for something a bit more. If so, then maybe the best thing for you is just to be alone and to embrace that. It is important to be happy being single.

Unfortunately, I usually find that people fear being alone, especially students. The problem is that sometimes the need to be with someone can overpower the need to carefully assess the qualities of the person you are engaging in the dating relationship with.

If you choose to continue to date, then ask yourself what is it that you want in a dating partner and then prioritize.

If being with someone who cares more about engaging in sex and hanging out with the “buds” is not something you want, then you should use that as part of your delineating criteria to choose in the future. I will say that just because one person cares more about these issues than another doesn’t necessarily make them a “pig.” It just means they are not meant for you.

I would agree that hygiene and smell are deal breakers for most people. Although, once again, everyone is different in what they believe is acceptable hygiene and smell. As far as someone caring more about one’s penis, well I’m not going to touch that one … literally.

You have the right to have a healthy dating relationship. You also have the responsibility to know yourself and what it is you want, need and desire. If you truly believe someone is going to meet all your needs and be just what you want, then I am sure you also believe “pigs can fly.”

Got to run, I’m late for my evening shower! Carpe Swine!

— Dr. D

Dennis Martell, Ph.D., is a coordinator of Olin Health Center education. E-mail him your questions at denismartell@ht.msu.edu.