No, I’m serious. And I’m not talking about society’s idea of masculinity either — loudmouthed men who love beer, baseball, brothels and “Braveheart.” I’m talking about real, authentic manliness. Men of dignity, integrity and respect. You know, old-fashioned stuff. Men who stand for — if one can imagine such a thing — something greater than themselves.

I guess what brought this up is a conversation I had the other week with some female friends. I overheard them swooning about their perfect man. It wasn’t Brad Pitt or Zac Efron or Ryan Gosling, it was some guy named Edward Cullen. They were talking about how gentlemanly he is, how kind and respectful and old-fashioned. But here’s the kicker: This Edward Cullen chump isn’t even real. He’s a character in the “Twilight” book series.

And he’s a vampire.

I had been trumped by a bloodsucking, fictitious vampire.

But in any case, it got me thinking: There aren’t too many guys at MSU who act like real men, myself included at times. Instead, I see guys on campus who ascribe to a cheap vision of manhood. Men who think it a success when they win the Friday beer pong tournament, or hook up with the hottest girl at a party. And even the “responsible” guys who are committed to their classes and careers are only doing so, it would seem, to further their own self-interests. And before I move on, what’s up with men wearing skinny jeans? I mean, I guess you could be a real man and wear skinny jeans… but why would you want to?

Now, before you think I’m just overcompensating for my own lack of manhood, let me be the first to admit that I am by no means the masculine ideal, and I do not know the perfect formula for what makes a real man. But I do know that whatever society is dishing out isn’t it.

To begin with, I think we men on campus could do with being more self-controlled, both in speech and action. Whatever you think of obscenity, it just doesn’t seem appropriate to say things like “That grass is so f—-ing green!” Perhaps a little control in language would be a benefit.

Men also could be more self-sacrificing. Many of us will be fathers one day, and from what I’ve heard it’s pretty hard to be a good father by being interested purely in one’s self. There’s the mentality of guys who want to “live it up” and get what they can while still in college before they eventually settle down and start a family in the far-off future, but I don’t think it’d be such a bad idea to start sacrificing now. Getting involved in a cause on campus can be a great way to expand one’s horizons beyond their own self-interest.

Lastly, and probably most importantly, men should respect women. This should be a no-brainer, and I’m sure it’s something most men on campus can agree on, but it’s still one of the biggest problems at MSU and on campuses across the country. “CEOs and Office Hos,” “Millionaires and Maids,” and “Golf Pros and Tennis Hos,” (or any party ending in “Hos,” for that matter) don’t do much to elevate the male conception of women on campus to anything above a sex object. I don’t expect that this column will dissuade the common frat boy from throwing or attending these kinds of parties in the future, but that person would be hard-pressed to argue that these parties, and activities associated with them, render women the respect they are due.

But I digress. Being a true man is not about how much beer you can drink, how many pounds you can bench or women you can sleep with. It’s about being a good and decent human being — a man of character. I don’t want to be a Homer Simpson — a slobbering, beer-bellied buffoon. I want to be challenged, I want to be great, and as hokey as it sounds, I want to be a hero.

And if any women happened to stick around and finish this column, they may want to challenge their men to be the same.

Dan Faas is a State News staff writer. Reach him at faasdani@msu.edu.