Back in November, we heard some talk about the difference between the health care plans of Sens. Barack Obama, D-Ill., Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., and John Edwards, D-N.C., but now the debate is entirely a matter of rhetoric and strategy. There’s not a lot of explanation of Obama’s health care plan, just criticism that it’s “idealistic.” It’s not well-known what Clinton proposes we do about class disparity, except that she’s more popular with working-class whites.

If the election is going to be reduced to something as meaningless as the NFL or an East coast/West coast rap war, let’s pull out all the stops and discard the veil of substance.

Every candidate should have cheerleaders to reinforce their talking points before and after a speech:

“John McCain, he’s our man,

“Not George Bush,

“But he’ll bomb Iran.”

Clinton should shoot Obama. Nothing fatal, just a flesh wound to the leg or forearm. The attempted murder will prove once and for all that Clinton is tough enough and Obama is black enough. It might first be a good idea for Obama to pop a cap in Rev. Jeremiah Wright just to make sure everyone knows where he stands on “radical” race views.

To establish whether McCain can tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite, let Wolf Blitzer spend 15 minutes quizzing him on live television. Better yet, bring in Alex Trebeck:

“This Muslim sect, prevalent in northern Africa and Indonesia, is also the operative sect of al-Qaida.”

If McCain says Shiite, Carrot Top hits him in the face with a cream pie. Even if the Republican nominee strangles his assailant, we’ll be done with that annoying redhead, which would win my vote.

To be fair, the candidates have already stated their positions in the debates and their earlier campaigning, but the simple truth is that most voters still do not know most of those positions, or their criticisms. At least not the average citizen.

That’s not to say Americans aren’t blameworthy; their tendency to spend more time on and be more emotional about NBA playoffs than the Iraq death toll is reprehensible, and it’s that mindset that’s got the media taking their cues from “Survivor” in the first place: It gets ratings. Every American is responsible for the state of their country, but the news media bears a specific burden of bringing the most important and needed coverage to the electorate, arming them with the information to make an educated decision.

The presidential election is one of the few topics deserving of as much coverage as it gets, but that’s because the information featured should be useful to voters. Instead of asking tough questions to frame a debate critical of the candidates’ positions, journalists are letting talking points dominate the conversation. Doing so is effectively playing into the candidates hands by turning the election into a high school popularity contest.

CNN has morphed into ESPN, with the Eastern Conference finalists — Clinton and Obama — sharply criticizing one another in an effort to pull out a victory and head to the finals while regular-season leader McCain is already training for his final game.

But in politics, the moral and political stances of the competitors, in contrast to sports, are very important. In fact, they are the only things that are important.

The vicious cycle of media, politicians, and citizenry pandering to the most inane in one another has got to stop. But until then, let’s be up-front with what the elections are and let John Madden host CNN Headline News.

Drew Winter is a State News columnist. Reach him at winter@msu.edu .