For the first time in four years, I’m spending Christmas as a single woman. And as hard as it is to grasp that I won’t be sharing in another person’s life, traditions, memories, festivities or joy, I know I’m not the only one who is going through it.

I imagine the other person is too. And so are hundreds of others.

Divorces. Separations. Break-ups. They all take a toll during the season that makes you want to hum “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” or dozens of other tunes about the presence of a significant other.

I broke up with my boyfriend of almost four years in October, and my emotions have been on a roller-coaster ever since. I won’t talk about why we broke up because that’s not the point, but after putting so much time, energy, love and emphasis on our relationship, it’s hard grinding through daily life without it.

While I have family and friends to celebrate Christmas with, the longing and anticipation for someone else to share it with sneaks up on me and swallows my holiday spirit.

I know this feeling eventually will go away, but knowing that doesn’t eliminate the current pain. I’ve learned a lot about relationships from my older siblings, one of who is going through a divorce right now.

I rubbed her back while she cried on Thanksgiving, wanting the day to be over so she could move on. While my life is changing, hers is searching for a new person, a new place or a new goal to revolve around. Our situations may not be comparable but our pain and loneliness is.

Having her to confide in and often agree with my outpouring of thoughts and fears made me realize there must be hundreds of other new singles, itching to run back to their previous relationships for comfort or just hibernate to avoid the holidays.

I can’t say exactly what to do for those who feel like I do. I’m still trying to figure that out. But going it alone is one thing I know won’t suffice. Rather than minimizing the canyon of heartache and confusion you’re in, sheltering yourself from those that want to help only widens it.

Friends are there for you when you want to go out. True friends are there when you don’t feel like going out because you know it will end up in a dramatic escapade of trying to avoid drunk dialing.

Aside from my sisters, I have my roommate who also has consistently been my best friend. She listens without judgment and helps me remember that this won’t last forever.

Find someone who can stand you telling and retelling stories — the things you used to do with your former significant other, the things you don’t understand, the things you’re angry about or the insecurities and fears that still haunt your mind from being without that person.

I think repetition in life is sometimes necessary to make reality stick.

My biggest enemy right now is idleness, and I suppose that’s why the gaping hole of having no plans over winter break scares me. It could be filled with new thrilling memories, tears shed at unpredictable moments or both.

Right now, I’m just trying to grieve so I can move on when the time comes. Putting off the pain is like putting off your life — you can’t progress as a person or help someone else do so until you’ve faced what’s stirring inside.

I can only hope that by next December, I’m ready to dive into the Christmas spirit. Until then, I’ll shed the tears as they come and remember that I’m not really alone. I wish you the best break and holiday, whether you’re going it alone or sharing it with someone special.

Kate Polesnak is the State News food and fitness reporter. Reach her at polesna1@msu.edu.