They are the actions, behaviors, vocabularies or a myriad number of other things that drive you crazy. No matter what the terminology, you can probably close your eyes and rattle off a whole litany of items to fill a list of things that in some way, shape or form bother you. It is equally logical that you could decide to read no further. Your own personal list of aggravating actions, clothing and behaviors would make you an instant person of opinion. But don’t give up. Keep reading!

The world contains such an overabundance of aggravations that we could write books on all the things that people and places around the world do to drive us over the edge of sanity, but that is for a future collection of books to be written in old age. In a few words or so, I need to just take a look at that ground that encompasses Hagadorn Road on the west, Harrison Avenue on the east, Mount Hope Road on the south and Grand River Avenue to the north.

So let’s go, keeping in mind that multiple pet peeves can be contained in a single individual or group. My job is to provide you a compilation of my own personal experiences with the population of individuals and groups at MSU who drive me crazy. Hopefully, they don’t include you; but if they do, maybe you’ll take to heart the words that follow and realize what horrors you bring to those around you.

I have tried to present these peeves in random order so that the ones that I truly consider the worst will not take all the fire and the ones further down the list won’t be ignored. With that, I will start with people who feel that because they are better than everyone else, they must move down sidewalks like the Roman army laying siege to Carthage.

As individuals, they walk down the left side of the sidewalk (considered wrong in the U.S.) and force all opposing traffic to veer aside into other walkers, bikers or in-line skaters. With arrogance, they assume the posture of the victors beating down the serfs.

Quickly following is the herd of walkers who, when traveling in one direction, believe that any opposing traffic is beneath them and they too take on the conquering stature. This is when you really would like to see a marauding elephant come down the sidewalk and see who gives way first.

Another group that raises the ire of many walkers is the habitual smoker who very seldom raises the cigarette to his or her mouth but enjoys getting it as far away from their own bodies as possible.

They thrust out that burning stick with chagrin because they don’t want to have smoke blowing on them. In the process, they blanket fellow walkers with smoke and invariably burn a few people as they carelessly travel along the sidewalk — usually on the wrong side; there is your double pet peeve! When they do stop to carry on trivial conversation, it is always in the doorway of buildings that accommodate masses of non-smoking people. You’ve seen these creatures in front of many of our buildings that house some pretty important people on campus. It is always a joy to fight through the wall of smoke.

Can you say, “No smoking within 25 feet of an MSU building?”

Perhaps you have experienced these and have felt that there is an overwhelming need to send these people packing to the far side of the moon.

So my list continues: The ever-present loudmouth who has nothing to say but must do it at 100 decibels; women who swear with every breath, assuming that a foul mouth gives equality (actually it simply states that you are as uncivilized as ignorant men who have nothing more than a four-letter vocabulary); sagging pants on everybody (if I wanted to see what I see I could easily go to a nudist camp and lose my lunch); and religious fanatics in every form and denomination (mostly bigoted and unable to discuss anything without the phrase, “You’re wrong and you are going to Hell!”)

Well, life must go on with all the pet peeves that infest MSU and the world. Perhaps as we think about the things we find most disconcerting about those around us, we will make an effort to clean up our own backyards. Turn those eyes inward, and maybe you can eradicate those pet peeves others find horribly annoying.

Craig Gunn is a State News columnist and director of the communication program for the Department of Mechanical Engineering. Reach him at gunn@egr.msu.edu.