The talking heads from the NBA's pregame shows and broadcast booths gathered on Sunday to discuss Ben Wallace's recent dispute with Pistons head coach Flip Saunders, in which Wallace refused to re-enter a game in the waning moments. The meeting could not be videotaped, but audio recordings were permissible. Here is the transcript.
Marv Albert: Thank you all for joining us, gentleman. First, let's go to Hubie Brown for his thoughts on the situation.
Hubie Brown: Now, you're Ben Wallace. You've been playing your heart out for the entire second half, and your team has battled back from a big deficit, and your coach takes you out. You're upset. You're the unquestioned leader, and you're a tremendous defensive force. You want to be in that game. You need to be in that game. But you have to listen to your coach, because the coach has the final say. You will regret this.
Charles Barkley: Now, I don't want to take anything away from Ben Wallace — 'cause first of all, he's a great player — but you can't ignore your coach like that. Because, No. 1, Flip Saunders, he's a good coach, and if Detroit's gonna win the East, they need them Wallace boys to be ballin'. So you can't ignore a coach like that. You just can't do it.
Kenny Smith: All right, I'm gonna keep it real. I'm not gonna keep it real, I'm gonna keep it right. If you're a coach, you leave your superstar in the game. Phil Jackson wouldn't take M.J. out in the fourth quarter, Rudy T. wouldn't do it to Hakeem, and Burger King wouldn't turn down Chuck if he pulled into the drive-through two minutes before closing time and asked for four triple cheeseburgers.
Charles Barkley: Watch it, Kenny. I'll put my foot straight up your …
Marv Albert: YES! Thank you, Charles. We'll now throw it to Steven A. Smith, host of ESPN's "Quite Frankly."
Steven A. Smith: BEN WALLACE IS NOT AT FAULT HERE! FLIP SAUNDERS IS A …
(At this point in the tape, it sounds as if Mr. Barkley tied Mr. Smith to a chair and put duct tape over his mouth. The State News could neither confirm nor deny this assumption.)
Marv Albert: Once again, thank you, Charles. We'll now hear from my TNT broadcast partner, Steve Kerr, who is ready with yet another — still unsponsored — edition of "Steve Wonders."
Steve Kerr: Well, Marv, this week I was wondering, "What was the last notable example of a player refusing to re-enter a game?"
Marv Albert: Go on Steve, we're … hanging on every word.
Steve Kerr: Digging into the archives, I found that it was actually my own Chicago Bulls teammate, Scottie Pippen, who refused to come back into a game during 1994 playoffs. Phil Jackson called a play that gave Toni Kukoc the chance for a game-winning shot, and Scottie was obviously upset with the decision.
Marv Albert: Thanks, Steve, that was enthralling, as always. Scottie, you've … been in this situation before. What's your take?
Scottie Pippen: Umm … yeah …
Marv Albert: A SPEC-TACULAR response, by Scottie … Pippen! Bill Walton now has the floor.
Bill Walton: Ben Wallace, such a talent, such a competitor, such a defender, such a rebounder. He's the sparkling epitome of what a professional player SHOULD be. But this is terrible, just terrible! It's the biggest atrocity in the history of the game! This would've never happened in my day. But that was back in the good old days, with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the greatest player in the history of the universe, and John Wooden, the most respectful, knowledgeable, articulate basketball mind the earth has ever known. If John Wooden wanted you in the game, you sprinted to the scorer's table, you got back in the game, and you threw it down, big man!
Marv Albert: Kevin Harlan is next!
(At this point, Mr. Albert seemed to mutter under his breath, "Harlan's just a two-bit hack who is making a living off imitating my voice.")
Kevin Harlan: Ben Wallace just sucked the gravity right out of the building!
Marv Albert: I hate you. Let's move on.
Skip Bayless: This is a shock and an outrage, and frankly, I think Ben Wallace should be fined a gazillion dollars, suspended for three years, and the Pistons should trade him to the Oakland Raiders, straight up for Jerry Porter! He's on the fast track to becoming the next Terrell Owens!
Marv Albert: This is getting out of hand. For the final say, let's hear from someone who's not out of his mind: Ethan Conley, State News reporter and diehard NBA fan.
(At this point Mr. Bayless begins to squint his eyes, shake his head and look like a complete idiot.)
Ethan Conley: Everyone's taking this a bit too seriously. Wallace shouldn't have pitched a fit, you have to respect your coach, blahblah. It'll all work out.
Any questions surrounding Wallace's commitment to the team were answered on Sunday, when he pulled down 22 rebounds as the Pistons destroyed the Pacers. Let it go, folks. The playoffs are just ahead.
Ethan Conley is a State News sports reporter. He can be reached at conleyet@msu.edu.
