Flint - In a small, gated community, Cary Brassfield, 47, lives in a three-room apartment filled with reminders of his son, Army Spc. Artimus Demone Brassfield.

Artimus, 22, was killed Oct. 24 in Samaria, Iraq, after he parked the Fourth Infantry Division's tank and mortar shells hit the area. He had been in Iraq for about six months.

An explosion had sent soldiers running for cover, but a second shelling ended Artimus' life before he could reach the nearest building. His death was caused by penetrating ballistic wounds.

"It's hard to believe Artimus is not here," Cary said.

Pictures of the former soldier cover the living room tables. They range from full-sized head shots of Artimus in uniform, to a wallet-sized picture of a young, middle school-aged boy dressed for a football game.

A poem, written by Artimus, is framed and sitting on a shelf. In it, Artimus tells his brother not worry that he is going abroad. Artimus reassures him that he will return unscathed.

In the bedroom, a voice that will never speak again is played on the answering machine to a father, who has saved all of the messages from his son. Cary says he cannot help but become choked up when listening to the glee in Artimus' voice, as the former soldier tells his father about a promotion.

"Before you were remembering veterans - people you don't really know," Cary said. "It's more personal for me now."

Cary and his family, like many Americans over the Memorial Day weekend, had to deal with the loss of a loved one who served in the U.S. armed forces. More than 800 soldiers have been killed since the war in Iraq began more than a year ago. Services around the country on Monday honored those men and women as well those lost in past generations.

Artimus' wife, aunts, uncles and father spent their first Memorial Day since the loss of their loved one in mourning.

"It's more meaningful now - I know what it's all about," said Artimus' wife, Andrea Brassfield.

Since her husband's death, Andrea has returned home to Flint, after having lived in Fort Hood, Texas, where Artimus was once based.

"It was hard for me to be around all the wives and their husbands knowing their husbands came back and mine didn't," Andrea said.

Standing at the grave of his son, Cary expressed similar feelings.

"Other families are having loved ones return home and we don't get to experience that," he said. "I'll just be glad when all of this is over and the soldiers can come home. That's my desire."

Named after Artimus Gordon from the 1960s television show "Wild, Wild West," Cary believes his son has lived up to his namesake. Artimus posthumously received a purple heart and bronze star for his service in the conflict in Iraq.

"He died as a hero," Cary said. "He's carried the Brassfield name to a further level."

Joining the army had been a life-long goal for Artimus, who took the entrance exam three times before being accepted. He finally enlisted in March 2001. From August 2001 to April 2003, Artimus Brassfield was stationed in Fort Hood, Texas.

Cary attributes Artimus' persistence to the number of relatives in the Brassfield family who have served, including the father himself.

"That was carrying on a history in the family," Cary said. "I think he wanted to be like his dad."

When Artimus left for Iraq in April 2003, his father was not worried about him being harmed. Cary said Artimus' confidence was contagious and, thus, assuaged any worries the elder Brassfield had.

While coping with the death of Artimus, Cary is also burdened with the knowledge that his other son, Quintan Brassfield, 21, is at risk as well. Quintan is in the second year of his Air Force service and the death of his brother has not changed his mind about serving.

"I allow them to make their own choices and not live in fear; they're freer that way," said Cary of his sons' decisions to enlist.

Cary has been a staunch believer in the American government ever since his service, which continued after Vietnam.

"In the army, I was an immaculate soldier to the end," he said.

After the death of his son, however, Cary is beginning to question the Bush administration and the values held by society.

"I really have to work hard at remaining hopeful about our political agenda," Cary said.

Cary said he wants to believe in the validity and importance of the Iraq war because, without it, Artimus' death is less meaningful.

Cary can barely describe the day that he found out about Artimus' death from a 5:30 p.m. phone call from Andrea.

"I was just numb. You go into denial, disbelief," he said. "God just loaned him to us for a short time."

Another unfortunate factor of Artimus' death was that it happened on the birthday of his sister, 24-year-old Artesia Brassfield.

"Birthdays will be different now. Holidays will be different," Cary said.

As a special way to keep the memory of his son alive, Cary occasionally wears pieces of Artimus' clothing, such as his son's tennis shoes. He finds comfort in the closeness of sharing something with his son, even after his death.

Cary has refused to let go of his son completely. He keeps a picture of Artimus in his car, and talks to him while driving. Cary keeps his son alive in memory by watching home videos of birthdays and Artimus' high-school graduation.

"I often replay those and it helps me get through sometimes," Cary said. "He's not here physically - but he's still alive."