For April Husted, it was the little things that began to add up.
She was sleeping more than usual, had stopped eating and had no desire to attend class.
But it hadn't always been that way for the psychology senior.
When Husted, who is a Saline resident, returned to school after winter break her freshman year, she was looking forward to a new semester.
But as the winter months set in, complete with frigid days and dark, somber afternoons, the psychology senior's mood began to change.
A few years later, sitting in her dorm room on a warm fall night, Husted sat reclined on her futon, smoking a cigarette, recalling how she came to deal with depression.
"I knew I was feeling down in the dumps," Husted said. "I was scared that there was something wrong with me. I didn't want to interact with people, so therefore I didn't want to go to the cafeteria unless I was with a bunch of my friends."
April, who has always been very close to her family, also began to call her mom as much as three times a day.
"I'd be crying and I wouldn't know why," April said. "She would call me and I wouldn't want to talk, but I wouldn't want to get off the phone.
"I was really, really attached."
April's mom, Cathy, began to realize something wasn't right, and the feeling of helplessness gnawed away at her.
"She would say she didn't know what the matter was," she said. "It's a frustrating situation as a parent because your child needs you, but you don't know how to help them."
Cathy said it's important to be in the most comfortable place possible when you're feeling down. So April sought sanctuary at home, making the 50-mile trek to Saline almost every weekend.
"We would go and pick her up and bring her home and she would perk up," her mom said. "She was acting like a normal college kid, telling me about things that were going on at school."
But with the comfort of returning home comes the despair of leaving.
"She would be in tears every time," Cathy said. "She just felt like a weight was put on her every time she went back."
By October of her sophomore year, April realized she was depressed and that she needed help. Part of her influence came from her mom, who urged her to talk to someone.
"I wanted to convey the idea that things would get better, not worse," Cathy said.
So April turned to the MSU Counseling Center. An initial meeting with the staff helped her find a suitable counselor and helped to establish what her disorder was.
"They never came right out and said I was depressed, but it was pretty much assumed," she said.
Her counselor told her she had Seasonal Affective Disorder, meaning her depression was due to the variations of light that occur during the winter months. It also meant her symptoms should have subsided during the spring and summer months. But as winter turned to spring and spring turned to summer, Husted realized she was getting worse.
"It turned into full-blown depression," April said. "I felt down all the time, even when I was at home during the summer."
The depression also took a toll on her academic success when she began failing classes.
"In high school, I had a good GPA, and I always thought of myself as a smart person," April said. "But the low grades didn't help my self-esteem, which made things even worse."
But at a time when it seemed as if things couldn't get any worse, April met Kristen Hall.
Hall, who lived on the same floor as April, said she ran into April in the hallway during the first week of school, and the two became friends right away.
"April has this smile and this laugh that is just wonderful," Hall, a nursing senior, said. "She can go around and meet anybody and put them in a good mood."
But it wasn't until April came out and admitted she was depressed that Hall knew something was wrong.
"I would've never guessed, not by her actions - she always had a smile on her face," Hall said. "I wanted to be able to help her get through the difficult times and be able to comfort her."
At first, Hall said April was very open about her bouts with depression.
"We've always been able to be upfront and honest with each other," she said. "Even when she didn't want to talk, she knew I'd be there for her."
But April's unwillingness to talk began taking its toll on Hall.
"I wanted to try and make her happy and get that smile back on her face, but sometimes there just wasn't anything that I could do," Hall said.
So April decided to go back to the MSU Counseling Center to get additional help. She found a new counselor, who gave her a referral to Olin Health Center to be put on medication.
They gave her a prescription for Zoloft, which helps to treat depression and social anxiety disorder, and she's been taking it ever since.
"It's worked very well," Husted said. "I'm doing pretty good on a day-to-day basis."
And her mom has noticed a difference, too. She said April has a much more positive outlook on life.
"She's a happier individual with a healthier attitude towards life," Cathy said. "She has more of a 'I can get through this' attitude."
April said there are still days every week or two where she'll feel down for no apparent reason. But when those days creep in, she no longer worries excessively.
"Before, it didn't seem like there was any end to it," April said. "Now I know I just need to get through the day and go to sleep and tomorrow things will be better."
As a result of her bouts with depression, April said she now understands herself better.
"It's really hard to admit there's something you can't do on your own," she said. "But the worst thing you can do is not do anything, because that only leads to a downward spiral."
