Maurice Clarett is the best college basketball player ever to line up as a running back.

The glitz, the glamour, the bling, the blang, Maurice Clarett was the hip to Craig Krenzel's hop when the Buckeyes outlasted the rest of the nation to win a national championship last season.

So what's the logical next step? Lie to investigators about how much was stolen out of the car you were driving. What's a little obstruction of justice among friends?

And now, Ohio State head coach Jim Tressel has pulled him from practice and Buckeye Athletic Director Andy Geiger is hinting that the dude won't even play this season?

Exactly. And it makes perfect sense, too. Because for all his heroics on the gridiron, for all the grass stains and Ace bandages that made the Scarlet and Gray's No. 13 the best back in college football last season, he's still just a shade away from making the cover of Slam magazine.

He's a basketball player in a football player's body. Here's why:

First, the friends. The man is pals with LeBron James. That's all I need to say. LeBron effing James. Clarett's social life couldn't be exposed to more hype if he were on a cross-country road trip with a methamphetamined Flavor Flav riding shotgun.

When all the elements are there - the yes-men, the gold-diggers, the raised velvet ropes - it makes it hard to be an amateur. College football players can't so much as accept a handshake these days without worrying about violating NCAA regulations.

Second, the eligibility. MSU fans know better than anyone - the four-year collegiate athlete is as current as Zack Morris' cell phone. A strong majority let the thought of an early exit to the professional ranks slip into their heads at least once. For players of Clarett's stock, more than once.

Did anyone assume that Maurice Clarett would be around to break any Buckeye career records? That in late November 2005, one could find Clarett seething in the visitors' locker room at Michigan Stadium, riling up Buckeye freshmen four years his junior?

If you did, I have some Erazem Lorbek jerseys in the back seat of my car I'd like to sell you.

If it were not for NCAA laws that prevent freshmen from jumping ship to the NFL after one collegiate season, Clarett would've been the toast of the NFL Draft. He and LeBron could've gone suit shopping together.

Reason three, the parallels. To put it in perspective, forget that we're talking about Maurice Clarett and football for a moment, and just wrap your mind around this: True freshman athlete, runs circles around the competition before getting hurt, comes back at about 75 percent, runs (smaller) circles around the competition again, then steals magazine covers across the nation for his performance in the national championship game.

Carmelo Anthony, maybe? Pervis Ellison did it in 1986 with Louisville and the Fab Five almost ran the table in 1992 and 1993. It's a basketball thing, through and through. Smells like pebbled orange rubber, parquet floor and sweatbands.

Clarett lives the life and plays the game. He probably won't play this year, but he'll probably keep his scholarship and probably will be drafted next April. It almost seems unfair.

But that's who the man is. ESPN runs updates on him faster than Agim Shabaj in the open field, and he gets columns like this one written about why he's shifty, high-profile, suspended and ready to take on the professional ranks.

Yeah, he'll get picked up in the NFL Draft next year, but wait until the NBA Draft in June before you hear the last of the amateur Clarett.

I hear the Clippers are looking for a quick, athletic center-of-attention to keep the controversy rolling, hit all the after-parties and finally get that Slam cover.