Ann Arbor - Imagine you are Northern Michigan goalie Craig Kowalski. You have done everything but stand on your head to keep your Wildcats within a goal of perennial CCHA powerhouse Michigan.

But late in the third period, a rogue Michigan blast slips by you for a 3-1 Wolverine lead - and the game is now out of reach.

Hanging your head in despair, you stare at the ice and realize where you are: the University of Michigan's Yost Ice Arena.

For an opposing goalie, just call it hell frozen over.

And the fans gleefully start their ritualistic torment. Each holding three fingers in the air.

"One, two, THREE. We want more goals! Sieve! Sieve! Sieve!"

Now 6,600 fans, shouting at the top of their lungs, have turned their fingers toward you.

"It's all your fault. It's all your fault. It's all your fault."

The chants rain down from the rafters of this old fieldhouse. Every seat, every fan, every right index finger saying, "It's all your fault."

Before you chuckle at Kowalski's fate, MSU fans, remember a Green and White goalie will likely suffer the same fate tonight, when the Spartans match up against the Wolverines in Ann Arbor.

You probably have never seen a ceremony quite like Yost's, certainly not at MSU's Munn Ice Arena.

Like admissions policies and keg parties, things work a little different down here in Weasel country.

The student section is not confined to one small corner, as it is in Munn. Rather a sea of foul-mouthed students, wearing a shade of yellow - they call it maize - that makes your stomach feel queasy stretches from goal line to goal line and concentrates their efforts behind the visitor's bench.

These rabid rodents turned hockey fans are not buffered by eight rows of stuffed-shirt alumni like at Munn.

No, these kids sit so close that their flea-infested Wolverine paws can nearly reach out and grab opponents on a line change.

And the irritable animals act like they have an itch to scratch.

Every time an opposing player heads to the penalty box, the whole crowd - not just 15 slap-happy students sitting a half-mile away - yells, "See ya!"

And a string of vulgarity, most of which I cannot print, is projected at the jailed skater.

I am not talking about words you use when your roommate steals the last piece of pizza. I am talking about the words you use when he steals your girlfriend.

I saw mothers rush to cover their young child's ears.

And the taunts don't end there. When a phone rings: "Hey goalie, it's your mom. She says you suck!" When the visitors score and five people clap: "Ugly parents! Ugly parents!" After a great Michigan save: "Goalie, sieve, goalie, sieve," pointing to opposite ends of the ice.

We just don't see this enthusiasm at Munn, and it's a shame because we know how to riot.

Spartan fans are so apathetic, the kid riding the zamboni during intermission doesn't even wave to the crowd. Can I get a wave?

The problems at Munn begin with the Slapshots, the student-fan club, which sits in the corner and attempts to mock opponents but appears to be talking among itself.

Two words sum up their weekly performance: inconsistent and annoying.

Let's just get back to basics. Sing the fight song, boo the opponents and the refs and throw in a little 'Go Green, Go White," for good measure.

Next, the rest of the crowd needs to get excited for something other than free T-shirts, the figure skating club and "skate shuffle." I know these alumni-fans may need to reinvest their stock portfolio every 10 minutes, but put down the palm pilot and clap for a Spartan goal.

Most of all we need to move the students to where they can be most vicious, on the glass.

We are practically on the field in football. We jump up and down with Izzo at Breslin Center. Yet, the closest a student can get in Munn is the eighth row.

I know. I sit there.

Ron Mason, you're a hockey guy, let's move the students directly behind the opponents' bench so I can give the Wolverines, and other scum who come into Munn and think they have a prayer of beating the Spartans, a piece of my mind.

Eric Morath, the State News online editor, can be reached at morather@msu.edu.