Wouldn’t it be nice to be a fly on the wall in the corner of eternity, listening to the dialogue going on beyond the Pearly Gates, Valhalla, the Elysian fields, nirvana or whatever name we humans have placed on that land beyond time - the land of everlasting life. We could perch in total anonymity listening to the words of the Supreme Being, God, Jesus, Mohammed, Zeus, Buddha or insert a name of your choice.

There would be no pressure to believe because, at that point, it would be moot.

We would be able to actually hear the truth being spoken, not the continuous translations that have plagued man since the dawn of infallible religious ideas. Can you imagine the kinds of things we might be able pick up from God? I’ll stick with that title because it’s short and I don’t think God will mind because he or she knows that I’m pretty fallible. And, if there is something about God we do know, it’s that forgiveness is at the core of God’s being.

Everyone has a concept of what they think the afterlife is really like. I want to believe the weather is beautiful in heaven. The temperature is always 78 degrees with almost no humidity. Plants and animals live in bliss and harmony, and the entire population of heaven revels in comfortable accommodations, eats healthy food and enjoys beautiful surroundings. There are no beer-can hats, and “civilized” is the word for all days.

God usually spends most of his or her time simply being with the entire population of heaven. That is the true joy of heaven. God is visibly and consciously with everyone. You can do that if you’re God. One of the other neat things about God is that he or she spends a lot of time commenting on what happens on the Earth. I will try my best to translate, seeing as words are not necessary in heaven. So here goes.

We enter the arena of truth with the conversation moving well along, and the gist of the comments made thus far encompass the following: God is commenting on one of the severe problems that earthlings have - always believing their own press, and whatever is written is gospel.

They fail to realize they never get the true essence of what is intended, only the bias they put into the text. God shakes his or her head in amazement at how anyone could believe that God could roar about the Earth blinding some, maiming others and viciously murdering his or her creations.

The idea is truly pathetic. What don’t they understand about a loving God who feels eternal passion for the creatures he or she has placed on Earth? You would think they would question the inferiority of a God who was petty, vindictive and downright mean. That may be the definition of a certain segment of humans, but it is not in the definition of God in the Webster’s New Word College Dictionary.

At this point, God shudders at the ways people still follow some of the hurtful things of the Old Testament.

With the shake of his or her head, God continues the dialogue, eliciting comments from across heaven.

Many in heaven are newly arrived and want to understand as much as they can about the mysteries of the world in which they lived.

They start the daily barrage of questions; “Why are there problems all over the Earth if everyone believes in you?”

As God looks out over the precipice of heaven, it’s hard not to notice the conflicts embroiling the Earth - the Middle East, India and Pakistan and a hundred smaller hot spots around the globe.

God sighs and speaks softly, “Man believes in the face of God, but has always failed to understand the soul of God.” The soul of the God that man adores has a human makeup. That makeup contains all the petty prejudices of the average human being. Until they understand that the entire Earth needs to reflect not the human animal, but the ultimate beneficent power of the universe, things will stay pretty much as they are.

The questions and the answers keep coming and suddenly a small child asks, “But if everyone says they are doing your will, who is right?”

A small chuckle is heard and God says: “Some people have to be pretty bold to know what someone else thinks, especially me. But as to your question, very few know how to do my will. For every foul word they speak, for every rock they throw, for every injury and death they cause, they prove to all that they have no idea how the supreme being wants them to act.

They cloud the issues with incorrect translations, they lie about each other and they become true believers - not in me, but in that inner soul which reflects only them.

“No foul words, no injuries, no deaths, no weapons drawn were ever done with the insistence of the soul of God.

“To say they are done in the name of God is to negate the entire belief structure of those espousing it.”

It is interesting to note that, at this point in the discussion, heaven has grown quiet. The billions of souls that inhabit the afterlife have heard the Earth doesn’t understand the essence of God, that no fighting or killing has ever added one positive note to the symphony of God. False preachers continue to speak of destroying the wicked when they themselves have taken the wrong paths to please a God who they don’t understand.

Suddenly, a beautiful twilight in heaven bursts forth, and all the souls, reflecting on the words of their God, turn their eyes to the Earth and speak with one voice, “Citizens of Earth, open your hearts to the truth and abandon that which was never intended by your God. We here understand and pray that you, too, can see as we do.”

Craig Gunn is an academic specialist in the Department of Mechanical Engineering. Reach him at gunn@egr.msu.edu.