U-M will have its way with Spartans again
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Andy Reid
On a cold October evening in 2004, I sat in the Big House and watched DeAndra Cobb break free for a 60-plus yard touchdown run, presumably sealing the fate of the Michigan-Michigan State game that season.
Two Sparties in front of me obviously were ecstatic about the play. So they did what any typical, blind-drunk, semi-literate, couch-burning, Michigan-loathing, I-could-have-gotten-into-your-school-if-I-took-high-school-more-seriously, pouting Michigan State student who has an obvious, shall we say, “Little Brother” complex when it comes to anything Maize and Blue, would do in that situation.
They went to the bar.
Seconds later, Braylon Edwards — an NFL receiver who HASN’T “accidentally discharged” an illegal firearm into his own thigh while wearing sweatpants at a nightclub — caught a bomb to spark the epic comeback.
Go ahead and give me your best “3-and-9” jokes. And lord knows you need more ammunition than “Appalachian State,” which, by the way, still ranks as one of the greatest victories in Michigan State Athletics history.
It doesn’t matter. Because at the end of the day tomorrow (after a certain freshman quarterback stomps all over you and then lets you keep that friggin’ Paul Bunyan trophy because it’s so damn ugly), you’re still inferior in every possible way.
And yes, let me take a second to bask in the glory of my own, completely warranted, arrogance.
Ah, that felt good.
I thought a lot about how I wanted to describe you foaming-at-the-mouth Spartan fans in this column. I guess the plethora of adjectives above works, but those have been floating around the ethereal AA-to-EL pipeline since the days of the Michigan Agricultural College. I wanted something more.
Then I told myself I could lighten the inevitable hate mail and throw in a few qualifying put-ups about how fiercely loyal you are, even in the face of yearly gridiron disappointment. But the following text message I received from Michigan State senior Trisha Langlois threw that stereotype out the window:
“Do any of your housemates want a ticket to the game for $80?”
In case you can’t follow the logic of that last point (and we all know logic isn’t your strong point. Or English. Or math. Or physics, law, biology, etc.), offering to sell a student section ticket to a Michigan fan doesn’t exactly scream “THIS IS SPARTA!”
That’s when the perfect description hit me. One word, with eight letters, that sums up your entire fan base: Adorable.
You know, in the same way that a toddler putting his eye right up to the nozzle of a kinked hose only to be blindsided by the inevitable rush of water is adorable.
It’s cute because the kid can’t comprehend why he got soaked. Kind of like it’s cute when Michigan toys with you and throws a kink in the hose, and then you’re flabbergasted when the winged-helmeted warriors open the floodgates again.
You’re adorable because you think you’re rivals with a program that’s already engaged in the greatest rivalry in sport; has as many Rose Bowl appearances in the last 11 years as you have all-time; is the winningest team in the history of the game; and has more tradition in one blade of green Field Turf than you could ever dream of.
Your red-faced, steam-out-the-ears reaction to the fact that Michigan fans absolutely have no respect for this so-called “rivalry” — a word I use only because “run-of-the-mill, annual Big Ten game in Michigan’s eyes” is a little too long — is just plain cute, too.
And it’s simply cheek-pinching adorable that the man you think is going to bring you to prominence, your personal football savior, Mark Dantonio, has the same 17-13 record through 30 games as John L. Smith.
Sometimes, I just want to give you a hug, ruffle the hair on your scrappy lil’ head and cheer you up. Because I can’t help but sigh when you lose four straight after the Michigan game every year or your coach loses control of his team or slaps himself. Aww, Sparty.
But a noogie is probably a better solution. After all, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do to your little brother?
Andy Reid, the Managing Sports Editor and football writer for The Michigan Daily, is a soon-to-be arrogant Michigan Alum. He can be reached at andyreid@umich.edu.
Commentary
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Jason B
(10/02/09 8:24am)Report
Typical arrogant Michigan fan, at least he admits it. But he does make one good point: STATE FANS NEED TO STOP SELLING THEIR TICKETS TO MICHIGAN FANS!!! Who cares if they’ll pay a bunch of money for them. You’re ruining the atmosphere of Spartan Stadium by letting so many maize and blue clad people get tickets. How are we supposed to have a rowdy crowd and get really loud when the game is on the line, when half the stadium is wearing maize and blue?! It’s just sad. If you’re not gonna go to the biggest home game of the year, why even buy tickets in the first place?
MR
(10/02/09 8:28am)Report
It is always cute when a toddler puts his head up to a kinked “house”, so funny. Nice spelling moron
Sarah
(10/02/09 9:31am)Report
Hey MR, maybe you should call someone at the State News a moron because there is no typos in this same article printed in the Michigan Daily. Fail.
MSU ALUMN
(10/02/09 9:34am)Report
I was pissed and amused at the same time with this article. I love rivalry week! I know U of M fans do too, even though they’ll never admit to this as a big game for them…
ZT
(10/02/09 10:43am)Report
Too bad Bishop’s article that ran in U of M’s paper is absolute garbage.
Go State!
(10/02/09 11:08am)Report
Why is this article on The State News? Who cares what some kid from UM thinks? Anyone who is from State knows Win or Lose we still Booze… so really, the game is just there to line up a phenomenal tailgate. Secretly, State fans laugh at how offended UM fans get when you say State will win… its like you are all sitting on the outside of an EL joke. UM fans = the joke.
typical
(10/02/09 11:08am)Report
stereotypes originate from somewhere. so yeah, there are probably students out there who say they could have gotten into UofM and didnt but Reid is forgetting about the people who go to MSU in spite of getting into UofM. oh, and Ill compare grades with this knuckle head Reid any day.
after reading such an article i sincerely hope MSU wins. but, in the end, win or lose, it was just a game. and although UofM students may have arrogance, MSU students have confidence. you can be the “big brother” but MSU will be the bigger person.
Dantonio = John L. Smith
(10/02/09 11:18am)Report
To typical:
The people whom you speak of don’t exist. It would be dumb to choose MSU over UM. UM is a US News and World Report Top 25 national school. MSU is not even close. It is not even a competition! Just like on the football field! Enjoy your farm education or box engineering!
Townsend
(10/02/09 11:23am)Report
I sure wish the SN would end this irritating, annual “tradition” started a decade or so ago… Why give some jack-ass, moron Wolverine like Andy Reid (he’s just the latest) space in our student paper to (annually) come in here and trash our school and our students… Something is rather sick about that and the SN should put an end to it as of this year’s stupid column….
BTW, Jason B, I don’t even consider a fool like Andy arrogant, just dumb. Anyone with any sense would realize U-M’s just an overrated grad school: always has been; always will be, and that MSU has NOTHING to be ashamed about when being compared to it. Despite what goofy U.S. News rates us (where ridiculously a podunk schools like U. Delaware and Clemson allegedly are BETTER THAN MSU, — and where U-M fell out of the top 25, boo-hoo) fact is, MSU’s a national school that’s attractive to students as a complete school with a near-perfect balance: undergrad/grad, athletics/academics, city/beautiful campus, etc…
exemplifying arrogance
(10/02/09 11:31am)Report
to Dantonio = john l smith:
you are ignorant. but i guess as the saying goes, ignorance is bliss, right?
Megan Frye
(10/02/09 11:46am)Report
This Andy Reid boner needs a haircut. Good thing he’s working for the Michigan Daily, which as far as I know is rarely if ever nominated for a Pacemaker award. Doesn’t much matter if you got to U-M or MSU, this twirp still won’t find a job after graduating.
UMSU
(10/02/09 12:20pm)Report
I am going to U of M, but grew up just outside of MSU and I just wanted to write and inform everyone that, for the most part, we only become arrogant during rivalries. All of my friends love coming down to A2 as I love going to State. Both are great schools, just for different disciplines of academia… but thats not really what matters. What’s most important is the Rivalry Pregame parties and tailgating.
So let’s be friends and drink.
“Let’s hug it out bitch” – Ari
PS. You guys are adorable.
You can't spell scum without M, S, and U!
(10/02/09 12:41pm)Report
Hail! to the Victors valiant
Hail! to the conquering heroes
Hail! Hail! To Michigan
The leaders and Best …
Hail! to the Victors valiant
Hail! to the conquering heroes
Hail! Hail! To Michigan
The Champions of the west!
DJ COATRACK
(10/02/09 1:03pm)Report
For every “i’m better than you” UofM alum, I will show you a terd that has no friends and has no life. Michgan may have all the tradition, but it’s longest lasting tradition will be load mouth terps that beleive success comes from a book. MSU 31- SCUM 20 you will be exposed this week…..book it!!
OSU
(10/02/09 1:30pm)Report
LOL! A journalism major is making fun of peoples intelligence. Both your teams are jokes. It is going to be fun paddling that ass and watching you cry about it at the small house this year.
Steve
(10/02/09 1:58pm)Report
At least our ladies are hot in EL…
Ute
(10/02/09 2:12pm)Report
Andy Reid is just mad that he looks like a woman who drives a Subaru, wears a fanny pack and watches “The L Word.”
Or should I say, Andy Reid is just mad that she looks like a man who drives a Mini Cooper, wears loafers without socks and watches “Project Runway”?
I’m really not sure.
Jon
(10/02/09 2:25pm)Report
I find it humorous when UofM fans downplay the rivalry. It is simply a front to cover themselves if MSU pulls an upset. When they emerge victorious, they do nothing but talk about their dominance. If they lose, they claim the game is meaningless. And Reid, us Spartans are fans of the school, not just of the football team. We support football, basketball, whatever the sport. The arrogant wolverines (most of which did not even attend the school) cannot handle losing in any way. This is not because their FOOTBALL team wins most of their games and they are not use to it. It is because the fair-weathered fans choose to only like the football program simply because it has a winning history, and hop on the basketball bandwagon every 10 years when they win a few games.
Exile in Rville
(10/02/09 2:26pm)Report
Dj Coatrack: And for every smart MSU student, (I know a few) I’ll show you one who can’t spell or write coherently.
NC Spartan
(10/02/09 3:19pm)Report
Who let the kid from “Two and A Half Men” write a sports article?
Should be an entertaining game.
GO STATE
Jay Lovelady
(10/02/09 3:41pm)Report
I’m pretty sure that Michigan State’s journalism program is ranked higher than Michigan’s, and now we all know why. This article is barely about football. Primarily, it is about stereotyping 45,000 students as being less intelligent than you (and it’s obvious that you are on the lower half of the bell curve so that would be VERY impressive.) After reading this garbage that you call an article, wow, I am glad that I didn’t go to your morally bankrupt school. You know that some people do decide that they don’t want to go there right?
Your basketball team redefined cheating at the college level (and failing.. youtube the Chris Webber timeout, good thing that season got removed from the books). Your football coach is currently embroiled in a real estate scandal and has allegedly broken NCAA regulations. University of Michigan to me represents a lack of ethics or sportsmanship so I can see that you fit in perfectly there, Andy Reid.
MSU11
(10/02/09 3:47pm)Report
At least us Spartans aren’t ugly…
GO GREEN!
(10/02/09 3:53pm)Report
First, I would like to say to this Mr. Reid character: You look like a little girl! Cute bangs by the way. But really, what business you have writing about any type of sport?
Second, trust me… I could have gone to UM with my high school grades. But it’s arrogant imbeciles like you that made me never even consider applying there.
When the Wolverines lose tomorrow I will just laugh that much harder at the sorry UM fans like you who actually believe this crap.
Thanks for writing this article! It gave me some laughs. :)
lol go blue
(10/02/09 4:02pm)Report
Calm down sparty … this article is (hint hint) satire and isn’t that bad … however thatdear diary piece of garbage your guy wrote was horrible … even you guys are ripping it … i like this tradition and will greatly enjoy watching Tate lead a comeback fro 13 down for a win tommrow in the 4th quarter from your stadium … lets party it up
JT
(10/02/09 4:10pm)Report
Hey Sarah,
“there is no typos”?
FAIL.
You Michigan kids are so smart.
Also, can’t wait to rub your faces in the dirt tomorrow ;)