Women should embrace sex life

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Tucker Max is dirty.

He’s sexually explicit, he engages in an extreme amount of premarital sex, and he exploits it all on his Web site, TuckerMax.com.

Max has written about having sex with little people, having sex with beauty queens and having sex that results in trips to the emergency room.

And I think every single word of it is hilarious.

Now, I’m sure you radical feminists out there have already written half your letters to the editor, criticizing The State News for allowing me to write such a thing. Many women have jumped on the bandwagon of hating Max for being such a “deviant jerk.” But let’s reassess this topic — Max would have nothing to write about if he wasn’t getting any.

Warning: I’m about to offend some more of you.

Here at MSU, as at most other big schools, it seems an average-looking guy only has to spend about 30 minutes at a fraternity party before he can find a drunk girl to take home. That’s just how it works in college. For every 25 classy women, there’s five girls who are the exact opposite and aren’t afraid to show it. Don’t believe me? Visit Facebook.com, the place to be the most up-to-date on MSU society. We have Mardi Gras parties (boobs!), Jell-O wrestling parties (more boobs!) and “Anything But Clothes” parties (boobs and more!). Just like Max’s escapades, there’d be no demand for these festivities if there wasn’t a plethora of girls willing to attend them.

I’ve stopped blaming men for these parties. The biological aspect of this situation is like fishing — the biggest worms attract the biggest fish. Likewise, the most scandalous parties are going to attract the most scandalous girls. And this isn’t the male species’ fault — rather it’s the women who should be avoiding these situations.

So this is where I turn to you, the feminists who are currently hating my guts for writing about how Max’s blogs are funny. I find the way to propel women into the future isn’t by burning bras or correcting people who say “hey guys,” but rather by beating men at their own games.

How, you wonder? Throw some scandalous male parties. So where are these parties that are full of semi-nude men? I’m often invited by my gay male friends to Temptation Tuesdays at X-Cel Lounge-Dance Bar, 224 S. Washington Square, in Lansing. Scantily clad male dancers get their groove on and, of course, cater to the gay crowd. Still, I’m often tempted to go, simply because I’m sick of seeing semi-nude girls at parties.

Or better yet, where’s one of these promiscuous MSU women writing her own Tucker Max-esque blog? I’ve heard countless stories from my girlfriends about how (big surprise!) there’s an abundance of men on campus who are awful in the sack. My plea is that some girl out there will showdown Max’s blog with a bit of feminine hilarity of her own.

It’s not like women don’t have anything funny to write about. There’s the awkward one-night stands, the drunk guys at bars, even the guy who takes 15 minutes to put the condom on. If that’s not material, I don’t know what is.

It’s unfortunate that the girls who do sleep around aren’t capitalizing on it. We call them whores and sluts, and talk about them behind their backs. It’s the age-old conundrum — why are “easy” men awesome and “easy” women disgusting?

It’s simply because many women aren’t as proud of their sexual achievements as men are. To which I say, girlfriend, if you hit it off with that Orlando Bloom look-alike at the bar, let people know. Otherwise, women are going to be cowering at the thought of promiscuity for ages. And what fun is that? If women are sitting around regretting their sexual decisions, then they’re letting those ridiculous men and catty women win.

An old Chinese proverb says, “If you don’t want people to know, don’t do it.” But by taking part in scandalous activities, you’re already giving men something to talk about, so embrace it. For those women out there who feel like having raunchy sex with the whole hockey team — go for it.

I need something to read about.

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