1. Waiting in line for the bar in the winter:
It’s a true college tragedy. It’s 3 p.m. Thursday, and you and your friends decide to start your weekend off early. So you head down to the The Riv to share a few pitchers at ‘Rama. Only one problem: it’s 10 degrees, snowing and the line is wrapped halfway around the building.
2. Every cafeteria that’s not Brody
It’s hard to go back to Hamburger Helper when you’ve had filet mignon.
3. The iPod hog
It’s nearing midnight and the playlist you made for your party is hitting its peak. But suddenly, the music stops and some guy wearing a snapback and sunglasses puts on the latest remix of LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem.” Is there a worse way to kill the mood?
4. Throwing parties
Waking up at your place the night after you throw a party generally feels like the beginning of “The Hangover.” You can’t see your floor, multiple items — such as chairs, beer bottles and screen doors — are on the ground below your balcony and there’s usually a stranger sleeping in your kitchen. It’s at this moment you realize you’re never throwing a party again.
5. Pranksters who think it’s funny to pull the fire alarm
It’s midterms week and you’re stressed. Only 12 hours separate you from two tests that will determine your final grade. Just as you situate yourself in the study lounge, that guy on your floor still trying to make friends pulls the fire alarm. After being ushered outside by your resident assistant, and waiting for the fire trucks to leave the scene, you go back to your studies — angry, annoyed and ready for revenge.
6. Hallway pukers
He was the coolest guy at the party when he bonged four beers in a row and chased them with a half bottle of Rumple Mintz, but the pile of barf he decided to upchuck outside your door suggests the contrary.
7. The Wells Hall preachers
Nothing brightens your day more than hearing a middle-aged man scream at you from across a courtyard, reminding you that you’re going to hell for your sins. Sorry Wells Hall, you can keep these guys after the commencement ceremony.
8. Packs of drunk girls walking in front of you
Becky’s boyfriend is a jerk and doesn’t deserve her, Kimberly is worried about getting kicked out of Delta Gamma and Brittany thinks her MTH 103 teacher is cute. These are just a few of the conversations no one will miss hearing while walking home behind a group of drunk girls after a party.
9. Rick’s bathrooms
Going to the bathroom at Rick’s American Café is a lot like watching the movie Hostel for the first time. After waiting in line for upwards of 10 minutes, your restroom experience often includes people fighting, a random stranger yelling at his girlfriend on the cell phone and the unsettling fact that everything seems to be wet.
10. Parking and Code Enforcement
Because we all know you were waiting by my car ten minutes before the meter was up.
11. Buying books
HST textbook: $300. ISS textbook: $100. ISB textbook: $250. Spending more money on required course materials than your rent: priceless.
12. Guys who yell at you from their balconies when you’re walking alone
It’s an all-too-common scenario. You’re walking home from a friend’s house on a Thursday night, and the guys in Cedar Village Apartment 35 have had too many shots of Burnett’s. They start shouting incoherent things at you from their balcony, forcing you to either a) shout something back at them at an awkward volume or b) continue on your way without saying a word, all the while feeling extremely uncomfortable.
13. 8 a.m. classes
Because grading for attendance is just stupid, anyway.
“ANGEL is down for maintenance.”
15. Luxury cars on campus
We all know you didn’t pay for that with the money you made working in the caf.