"The first poem was written following the Pulse Nightclub shooting," Howard said. "I was just in the school gymnasium, overcome with grief. I believe (the) Pulse Nightclub shooting was the first time I realized you could be killed just for being."

Since then, Howard has used poetry to express the emotions she feels in her daily life. She does not shy away from the deeper issues that eat away at her.

"A lot of my writing was and still is very political," Howard said. "I don’t know that I personally believe that going to school should be a political statement. But to most people, it’s considered politics."

Howard referenced the fear her mother had in sending her to school after the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, and the fear she feels for her brothers every day. Through her poetry, Howard acknowledges the fear of going to school.

"If my little brothers have to grow up in a world where they deal with the threat of gun violence in schools, it is the least I can do to make sure that they know they are not alone," Howard said. "To hold the grief for the life you wish you could’ve lived."

Howard didn’t always write to be heard. Starting as a private expression, her poems display the deepest parts of her emotions.

"A lot of my poems I chose to hold close to me for a very long time," Howard said. "Until I started to learn the power that they have."

Now, aware of the power of her writing, Howard spent last semester making a short film titled "What’s Left Behind?" that showcases the emotions of experiencing gun violence, specifically school shootings.

Howard had never worked in film prior to this project. A decision made through conversation with associate professor of English Divya Victor and discussion of her application for MSU’s Create! micro-grant.

"I asked her, so do I make a book? Do I do a stage performance and then get a recording of it? Do I just have it be this?" Howard said. "And she was like 'It can’t be a book. You can’t have these poems be in a book because it loses its potency if somebody’s able to look away.' "

Howard featured poems she wrote from ages 11 to 20, all discussing the topic of shootings. Having never worked in film before, Howard needed to enlist the help of anyone willing and able to assist her in sharing her grief. Through group chats, mutual friends and an MSU Snapchat story, Howard was able to build her team.

Digital storytelling senior Aidan Tripp responded and partnered with Howard, and he took charge of filming the project.

"When she told me about the idea I was like, man, it’s heavy hitting but it’s necessary," Tripp said. "I can relate to it because throughout the film you see people who were just like in fear, who had sorrow, who were confused. And I just felt that way throughout all of high school, all of college now."

Citing the MSU shooting and the Oxford High School shooting as reasons for his grief, Tripp was on board. His mission? Make the film something people relate to, despite the subject weight.

"I was trying to give the feel of growing up in the education system," Tripp said. "Try to give (students') mindset into the film and to kind of make it inclusive for everyone to relate to."

Tripp and Howard’s goals were shared by the team. Comparative cultures and politics freshman Hiyori Eldred was one of the people who responded to Howard’s post on the MSU story. Eldred appeared in poems "20011528" and "flowers remind me of funeral homes." Eldred had never experienced a school shooting in the way others who worked on the project had, but this didn't stop them from finding the value in helping communicate Howard’s message.

"I know that they had first-hand experience and how it affects people," Eldred said. "I thought that was a really good cause."

Along with being featured in the film, Eldred also did the background instrumental that plays throughout the film.

"It was pretty collaborative," Eldred said. "It also depended on what music I happened to have on hand and what sounded good enough for the film."

The film came together, through hours of filming and editing, to make the deadline for the grant submission. After its release on Nov. 30, 2024, Howard received a response she never could have even fathomed.

"I have had so many wonderful souls reach out to me to talk about the impact of the film," Howard said. "I'm so glad somebody is still saying my friend’s name,’ I read a text like that, and I bawled like a baby."

Howard noted the feeling of being alone. Everyone impacted by and who has survived gun violence feels it. Being able to convince yourself that no one else feels the way you do. Knowing her film helps people through that is the power she knew her poetry could have.

"To hear that there are people who still feel (alone), it’s equally heart-wrenching and healing, because you don’t want anyone else to know that type of struggle but to know you’re not the only one is remarkable," Howard said. "And I had a really great team to work on 'What’s Left Behind?' and that makes all the difference."