With the new leasing cycle quickly approaching, many students have begun to think about their living situations for the next school year. For those in a relationship, the thought of living with a significant other may be a consideration as well.
Is it too soon? Too risky? Are students too young to take that step?
East Lansing relationship counselor Rebekah Cox said that as long as both parties are in it for the right reasons, there's smooth sailing ahead.
“Research shows that if they’re living together because they love each other, then that has a tendency to put a more positive spin on things and on the relationship,” Cox said. “If they’re living together because of finances or somebody got pregnant or something like that, it doesn’t necessarily predict a bad outcome. But it does change the dynamic of the relationship.”
The number of unmarried couples who live together is on the rise and most young adults are accepting of cohabitation between unmarried couples, even with no plans to get married, according to a Pew Research Center survey.
When it comes to cohabitating, there are benefits and drawbacks.
Cox said positive outcomes come from couples who make a relationship agreement before living together, so boundaries are set and miscommunication is limited, especially for those who are unmarried.
“It’s not necessarily a formal relationship agreement," Cox said. "But, you know, if people say, 'We’re going to live together; we love each other; we care about each other, and we’re each other’s best friend,' then sometimes it can predict a better outcome."
Although many think college students' young age has the greatest impact on cohabitating, Cox said financial independence and work load is the biggest concern.
“College students might not necessarily have independent finances from their parents," she said. "Sometimes that can make a difference, because people can move in together just because it financially makes sense. Also depending upon whether or not the student has an outside job or (if) they’re graduate students."
Graduate students' studies create considerable demand for time and energy, Cox said, so they may not have as much time to spend with their partner.
MSU alumna Catie Scott has been living in East Lansing with her boyfriend since July. As they spent a lot of time together prior to moving in, she said moving in together didn’t make much of a difference.
“We kind of already knew that it was going to work out fine," Scott said. "We knew each other's living habits and stuff."
Scott and her boyfriend went through a “trial period” before fully moving in together, staying with him for most of this past summer. Living together has made their relationship stronger, she said.
Scott said the only bump in the road has been designating time to spend on themselves. Before living together, they were always able to have alone time when not seeing each other, she said.
“Now it’s like ... we have to create special time to spend with just (ourselves) because we exist in the same place,” Scott said.
Journalism junior Allison Albin is planning on living with her boyfriend next year and said she's excited to take the next step in her relationship.
“We’re just ready to start that next chapter of our lives," Albin said. "We’ve both lived on our own, so we’re just excited, and that’s been our goal."
Albin isn't worried about moving in with her boyfriend because they've also spent considerable time together, picking up on each others' habits.
“We’d both be so much happier if we could come home to each other at the end of every night and just go to bed together and have a home base together,” Albin said.
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When facing criticisms about college students being too young to move in together, Albin said people need to understand that everyone's on a different path.
“To each their own," Albin said. "I have friends that are the same age as me and have never had a serious boyfriend, and then I have friends that are the same age as me that have been in the same relationship for six years. Everybody’s on their own path, and I just think it’s kind of like when you know, you know.”
Scott advised couples who plan on living together to focus on communication and being a good listener.
“If something’s bothering you, don’t let it build up," Scott said. "Just figure out a good way to say it, and then listen when somebody has something to say. If something small bothers (my partner), he’ll tell me about it, and I’ll just change it because I care about him.”
Cox said couples should consider creating a pre-planned agreement.
“Things like chores around the house and other responsibilities — it can be helpful (to) have an agreement about how you’re going to share that load and how you’re going to share the mental load of being a student," Cox said. "It’s helpful in general to just kind of set some guidelines and boundaries around the relationship."
