Thursday, February 20, 2020

Column: Singles advice from someone who has been dumped on Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2020
<p>Illustration by Courtney McKown</p>

Illustration by Courtney McKown

Last year I began my Valentine’s Day preparing a sappy gift for my significant other. I wondered how he would pour his heart out to me later that day, and he did. Except instead of professing his love for me, he dumped me. I then walked over two miles back to my dorm, in the dark, defeated.

I ended the night by eating Chex Mix in the dark and sobbing to my sister over the phone. 

I also experienced a breakup on my 17th birthday, but that’s a story for another day. The point here is that I am a strong front-runner for being one of the most unlucky people on campus in search of love.

As sad as that seems, these personal anecdotes have given my friends and I too many laughs to categorize them as tragic.

Cue "Love Stinks" by The J. Geils Band.

This year, a new woman, I want to assure you that being single on Valentine’s Day is not as bad as it seems. It might even be better.

Love is in the air. As singles, we’re choking on it. We walk by the aisles of love-themed gifts at our grocery store, scroll past the countless posts about couples in love and ads for flowers by mail, we become hypersensitive to the fact that we are single to the max.

First off, begin the day by appreciating the fact that you weren’t required to spend money on anyone today. 

Follow this realization up with another fact: a teddy bear carrying a heart, a box of chocolates or a bundle of flowers won’t change anyone’s life. Let’s be frank, these items are cute but useless.

You may not have a significant other to celebrate this Valentine’s Day with, but don’t look past the treasure trove in front of you: your other single friends. They’re just as nauseated.

Valentine’s Day of 2017, my single friend and I gathered at our local coffeehouse, Uptown Coffee, to watch couples get married. We happy cried for the newlyweds, laughed about how no one liked us and moved on.

The healing properties of the mutually bitter bond between singles are paramount.

Valentine’s Day of 2018 was spent similarly, though I was in a relationship at the time, I spent the day with my friends. We discovered a Valentine’s Day delicacy: the heart-shaped pizza.

Valentine’s Day is about love, sure, but if you have to pour your love into a heart-shaped pizza, you might as well do it in the company of your friends. You’re single, they’re single, spend the evening bonding over it.

Conversation material may or may not include awkward Tinder interactions, friends you’ve lost to the labyrinth of young love, breakup stories and everything in between. You’d be surprised how comical your unlucky love life can become with the right audience. 

As your Valentine’s Day comes to a close, look forward to all of the candy that goes on sale tomorrow. Purchase an ungodly amount, eat it all and call it self love. 

Let’s face it, we’re single today. We were single yesterday, and we’ll probably be single tomorrow. It’s not the end of the world, and deep down, you know it’s pretty fun.

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