One extra-long tall squeaky bunk bed located inside of an 11-by-11 concrete rectangle, lit by a single large fluorescent light, on the same floor as hundreds of others — welcome to the pleasures, thrills and torments of dorm sex.
In the dorms, some are lucky to live in a free and spacious single, while others share the small space lined with posters, pictures and christmas lights, with up to three additional students.
Between community bathrooms, roommates and RA’s, students quickly learn tips and tricks to have sex in their small concrete box or co-ed shower without being — obviously — interrupted.
Drown out the noise
Everyone’s done it, loud sex. Stereotypical moans and groans each time a special spot is hit, touched, rubbed, etc. It’s easy to get into the moment, forgetting where you are and who else might be in the room. If you are alone, turn the music up — loudly. The soft murmur of music in between dorm rooms is extremely more common and will stop your neighbors from side eyeing you the next morning in the bathroom or in the breakfast line.
Quiet like a mouse
You and your partner are retreating to your triple room, on Saturday night after going to a hype co-op party. Your drunk stumbles finally get the door unlocked. Walking in, eight people look up at you, two of whom are your roommates. You wait three hours until everyone finally falls asleep, and you have the quietest and hottest sex of your life, on the very top bunk — something you’re incredibly proud of.
The fear of getting caught, forces you and your partner to be sensual, quiet and intimate instead of loud and dominating. You are able to listen to each other and feel each others needs and wants to achieve perfect pleasure.
Leave a note, send a text
Picture it (or go back in time to your freshmen year), you’re lying on the futon — pants off — your partner is giving you oral sex and right before you climax, the door swings open and you make eye contact with your roommate. It’s all downhill from there, quite literally.
In an attempt to avoid an awkward interruption, text your roommate and ask for the room before starting any sexual activities. It is recommended to have a conversation with your roommate outside the heat of the moment to ask about ground rules when it comes to sex in the room.
Redecorate the moment
The top bunk can be slightly intimidating with squeaky commentary, low ceilings and waves of humidity adding to the sweaty pool of love-making. Avoid all the discomfort top bunk provides by simply prying out your extra-long twin mattress from it’s frame and moving it to the middle of your room, on the floor. A yoga mat, small, supportive and gripping, is also useful for relocation, allowing for new positions, unlimited comfort and silence.
