I am a male, and I was sexually assaulted.
It took me a long time to say those words. It happened this summer, and I can hardly remember it, but it is something I cannot forget.
What I do remember is passing out on a bed that belonged to a girl who I did not know. I remember waking up and saying no, repeatedly, but it being too late. I remember trying to run out of the house, confused which doors to go out of, with my attacker following me around the house, grabbing me and trying to keep me there. Most of it was a blur.
I wish the effects of the assault ended there. It is not easy to be a male, and to be assaulted by a female. No one really believes you’re a victim. Most people actually laughed when I told them. That hurt a lot.
It was difficult to find someone to believe me. It was even harder to find someone that would talk with me. It was a challenge to find support amongst my friends, and my family was an even worse option. How could I tell my parents, who already disagree with my life choices, that I had gotten so drunk and let a female take advantage of me? The thought of my parents not supporting me, the victim, hurts a lot too.
I spiraled into depression and there were many nights when I could not sleep because of it. There still are. Trust issues with the opposite sex, and relationship issues? I have those now. Feeling frightened at the thought of sex? I have that now, too.
Right now, I know there is a four week wait at the Sexual Assault Program at the MSU Counseling Center, but I need to talk with someone and I am too afraid to be on the waiting list. I was told by a classmate that I could go see someone in the main part of the counseling center, but there is a waiting list there too. I know that this is because there are not enough counselors to address the need for survivors of sexual assault and victims of mental illness on campus.
Resources or not, I am still hurting, and I wish that society, my parents and my friends would understand. It is possible to be a male and to be sexually assaulted, and it hurts even more when you can’t get help.
The author of this letter is a Lyman Briggs senior.
