The first time I ate alone on campus, I was extremely self-conscious.
“What if people think I have no friends? I bet I look pathetic. I feel like such a loser.” It took me back to those painful middle school experiences of being the geek at the lunch table, as though I were waiting for the bullies to come out and point and laugh at me.
Never mind the fact that there were dozens of other people eating alone and I wasn’t thinking any of those things about them. Maybe it was because I was still new, or because I hadn’t really found many friends yet, but for some reason I thought that people were judging me, this random freshman who was completely irrelevant to their lives.
Mornings are usually a solitary dining experience, where people are trying to eat their food as fast as they can just to get some sustenance before class. I never really mind eating alone in the morning because I’m usually too zombie-like to talk to anyone anyway.
Although as the day progresses, it seems more and more people show up in the dining hall with friends. Sometimes they’re not even eating, they’re just there to socialize.
Occasionally, I’ll do the subtle walk-around during dinner to see if I recognize a familiar face, but if I don’t, I usually just take a seat and pull out my phone. Sometimes I bring work to pretend like I’m too busy for people to bother me anyway, but that’s never really the case.
It took me a few times of eating alone to realize something. Everyone was probably too busy thinking the same things about themselves, or had come to the realization that I recently came to a long time ago: absolutely no one cares.
Sure, sometimes it’s nice being able to share a meal with friends after a long day, but it’s not something that’s completely necessary. Maybe you’re busy, maybe your friends are busy, maybe you’re just hungry. The point is it’s not a big deal.
What I’ve learned a lot of the time is that other people don’t mind eating alone. From the times I’ve asked if someone wants to sit with me or people I’m with, they usually say they’re in a rush or they may just enjoy the solitude. Whatever the case may be, there’s no reason to be ashamed of eating alone. Sometimes eating is a social experience, but sometimes it’s not.
And for those days where we just feel like escaping the gaze of people in the dining hall, we can always be thankful for the Combo-X-Change.
