“People drink until they hit that point where there’s absolutely nowhere to go,” said Matthews, a recovering alcoholic. “I got to such a place literally there was no other solution. I had to accept that I can’t drink anymore.”

Matthews is part of a small percentage of students at MSU who deal with alcoholism, but some of her symptoms are common to a wider range of college students.

People age 18 to 22 enrolled full time in college were more likely than their counterparts not enrolled full time to drink alcohol, according to a 2010 survey by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Nine percent of students evaluated at the MSU Counseling Center had symptoms of alcohol abuse and 1 percent had symptoms of dependency, Substance Abuse Counselor Robert Eubanks said in an email.

He added not all students with substance abuse or dependency issues are accounted for in those statistics.

“The biggest misperception relative to alcoholism is contained in our mental image of what a problem drinker or alcoholic ‘looks like;’ usually this image is of an older male, perhaps homeless, unloved, unkept, disheveled,” Eubanks said. “Alcoholics or problem drinkers in reality, have jobs, head up households and too often are ‘attractive’ college students.”

Starting young
Based on Matthews’ age, many people might not believe she is an alcoholic.

Matthews started drinking at a young age, between seventh and eighth grade — something fairly common among alcoholics, said Alcohol Drug Education Program Owner and Executive Director Frank Thrush.

“I see that there’s a lot of denial in regard to it,” Thrush said of his college-aged clients. “Students identify (drinking) more as a social thing.”

Matthews’ dependence on alcohol might have started shortly after her first time getting drunk with friends in middle school.

In eighth grade, she began looking forward to visiting her grandparents’ cabin so she could fill empty water bottles she brought with alcohol she found in their plentiful liquor cabinet.

“It was a comfort,” Matthews said. “I thought it was just having fun, but it takes over your mind that little bit more when you’re an alcoholic.”

Mental Health Therapist Fred Cudnohufsky, who works in the Sparrow Health System, said with continued use, alcoholics begin to require the dopamine that alcohol provides to their brain.

The mood-altering dopamine might have been the source of the comfort Matthews found with each drink.

Rebecca Allen, MSU Social Norms coordinator and alcohol, tobacco and other drugs health educator, said typically alcohol acts as a stimulant at first, but, as the person comes down from their intoxication, it can act as a depressant.

Entering high school, the combination of lenient parents, an ideal house – complete with a pool and bonfire pit – and her desire to drink led Matthews to frequently host parties.

“Alcoholism develops, not just due to having a genetic predisposition, but because of an environment that encourages underage drinking, because of an environment where alcohol is generally readily available, and where myths and misperceptions exist as to what most college students actually do in terms of their choices regarding drinking,” Eubanks said.

But Matthews’ real troubles with alcohol didn’t start until college.

College
Upon entering college, Matthews said her drinking took her to places and caused her to do things she would never do if she hadn’t been under the influence.

“I’ve been in physical altercations with ex-boyfriends. I have physically hurt an ex-boyfriend while drunk because of blind rage while drinking. I’ve had sexual relations with lots of people I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t drinking,” Matthews said.

In addition, besides the classic cuts and bruises from falling while drunk, Matthews said she’s come close to receiving minor in possession charges on multiple occasions.

She’s been charged with domestic assault, spent excessive amounts of money, drank every family holiday, drove drunk many times and was involved in a hit and run that severely damaged another car, although she was never caught or charged.

“I didn’t get in trouble every time I drank, but every time I got in trouble I was drunk,” Matthews said.

Cudnohufsky said the consequences of drinking faced by Matthews’ can be found with other forms of alcohol consumption, not just alcoholism.

“All the same kind of consequences can happen with binge drinking,” he said. “Crime, death, assault, injury, sexual abuse — all kinds of things happen when people are abusing.”

While 75 percent of MSU students have reported drinking in the past 30 days, more than half report drinking zero to four drinks when they do party, Allen said.

She said research shows those who attend college actually are less likely to develop alcoholism later in life.

“The misperception that somehow college creates alcoholics is not true,” Allen said.

Thrush, who also is a recovering alcoholic, said although alcohol dependency likely is low on a college campus, alcohol abuse likely is common.

About 63.3 percent of college students reported being current drinkers, while 42.2 percent reported being binge drinkers and 15.6 percent reported being heavy drinkers, according to the 2010 U.S. Department of Health and Human Services survey.

Matthews’ true downward spiral started about November 2011 after two abusive relationships, one of which led to post-traumatic stress disorder.

She began to have deep issues with depression and began to drink every day for the next three months.

“Each day, I’d usually drink one of the bigger bottles of wine and five or six beers,” Matthews said. “I’d put wine in a coffee cup and take it with me. Wine was my drink a lot of the time. It’s not as easy to detect — it got you drunk enough but not too fast so you could keep drinking it for a while.”

Finally, on Jan. 20, 2012, Matthews was arrested for drunken driving and went to live with her parents where she would commute to MSU.

Following the arrest, she remained sober for 10 days before she took the last drinks she ever plans to take.

Two bottles of wine later, she became so distraught she filled a bath and began to experiment with cutting herself.

“I wanted to do something to get rid of the other pain,” she said. “I’ve never wanted to hurt myself before.”

Her sister found her and took her to the hospital, where five hours later her blood alcohol content, or BAC, level was measured to be 0.23 grams, a level high enough to cause a lack of motor control and illogical thinking, according to Olin Health Center.

After going through withdrawal in the emergency room, with hot flashes and shaking, she entered a 30-day treatment program.

Treatment
On Feb. 1, Matthews celebrated one year of sobriety.

With continued treatment for her alcoholism, Matthews said she now can appreciate living a sober life and enjoys having the new worries that come with it.

Instead of worrying about getting another drink, she now worries about applying to graduate school.

“I thought you couldn’t have fun without it,” Matthews said. “It was my solution for so long. I thought life without it was dull or boring or uneventful.

“I was drinking to have the life I have now.”

Thrush said the hardest thing about receiving treatment is the cost and access, but it’s well worth it.

“The positive is a father becomes a father again and an employee becomes an employee again and a mother becomes a mother again,” Thrush said.

He said people can help friends they observe with drinking issues by being supportive and honest.
“In terms of saying ‘I think you’re drinking too much’ or saying ‘Jesus, you couldn’t even walk last night’ most people won’t do that for some reason,” Thrush said.

“That’s a tough thing to do with a friend because often time they’ll go to a different peer group.… The people I respect most were the people who confronted me and told me the truth.”

Allen said students who think they might have a problem should know any counselor is sworn to confidentiality, Alcoholics Anonymous meets weekly on campus, and her door always is open – even if students don’t want to give their real name.

“It’s something that can happen to anyone — being an alcoholic,” Matthews said. “I’m not trying to scare people. Just be aware and know college doesn’t mean that you have to go nuts.”