State College, Pa. — Since his unceremonious firing Nov. 1, John L. Smith has been understandably guarded about his personal feelings. Questions regarding his emotions from the past few weeks are seldom greeted with more than a grin, a nod and a response that deflects attention.

"It's all about the kids," the MSU head football coach would often say.

But last Monday, five days before his final game with the Green and White, Smith gave a surprisingly candid response about how he has dealt with what can only be described as "failure."

"This is the first time that we haven't been able to (succeed)," Smith said. "So you have to feel bad. How bad? On a scale? I don't know. I don't know what it's like, having never been there before.

"But yeah, that hurts."

Then he walked away from the microphone.

A promising beginning …

There was a time when the words "failure" and "John L. Smith" couldn't have been any less synonymous.

Smith was brought to MSU to clean up the mess left by former head coach Bobby Williams, who allowed the program to spiral out of control in 2002. Williams was fired Nov. 4, two days after a 49-3 loss to Michigan. But the embarrassing loss was the least of the worries in East Lansing at the time. Speculation about unlawfulness and drug use among the players ran rampant.

Quarterback Jeff Smoker was suspended indefinitely — rumors of substance addiction swirled — and running back Dawan Moss, a co-captain, was charged with drunken driving after dragging a police officer with his car. To say Smith had his hands full is an understatement.

Smith was formally announced as Williams' successor Dec. 19, 2002, leaving his post as head coach at Louisville. He carried a 110-60 career record, a fondness for cowboy boots and three goals: "One is to always have our seniors go out as winners. Two is to go to a bowl game. And the third is to win championships."

Smith resurrected Smoker's career, burying the then-senior quarterback at the bottom of the depth chart and making him work for a starting job.

With Smith at the helm and Smoker under center, the Spartans finished their 2003 campaign with a 8-5 overall record that included an appearance in the Alamo Bowl.

It appeared those three goals were within reach. But Smith's fortunes were headed south.

… And a plummeting finish

During the next three seasons, MSU suffered a series of late-game collapses, including a blown 17-point fourth-quarter lead against U-M. After finishing 5-3 in the Big Ten in Smith's first season, MSU's conference record steadily went downhill, as the Spartans finished 4-4 in 2004 and 2-6 in 2005.

Smith's "quirks," such as a penchant for slapping reporters, became lightning rods for criticism. After an MSU field-goal attempt was blocked and returned for a touchdown against Ohio State on Oct. 15, 2005, Smith screamed to a sideline reporter on national television, "The kids are playin' their tails off, and the coaches are screwing it up!"

This season was largely viewed as a do-or-die season for Smith. MSU started 3-0, but a deja vu-inspiring 16-point fourth-quarter collapse against Notre Dame on Sept. 23 was the beginning of the end.

The Spartans notched a victory in just one of the five games that followed, leading to Smith's ouster — despite assurances from the MSU administration that the coaching staff wouldn't be evaluated midseason. The season's final three games saw more of the same — blown leads and missed opportunities. Saturday's 17-13 come-from-ahead loss to Penn State brought the season to a close.

"Couple things a little different, and of course we win the game," Smith said Saturday. "That's been the story of the year, really."

Smith went 22-26 at MSU, including 12-20 in the Big Ten. The Spartans lost 13 of their final 15 conference games under Smith. He never beat U-M or Ohio State in eight combined tries and was 2-2 against Notre Dame, with both losses coming at Spartan Stadium.

The cupboard is empty of rivalry trophies, with the Green and White having surrendered the Paul Bunyan Trophy (U-M), the Old Brass Spittoon (Indiana), the Megaphone (Notre Dame) and the Land-Grant Trophy (Penn State).

And as for Smith's three explicit goals?

MSU never won a season finale during his tenure. The Spartans went to one bowl game in four seasons, losing 17-3 to Nebraska. And they never finished better than fourth place in the Big Ten.

In fact, MSU couldn't be further away from the conference title — Saturday's loss put the Spartans in a two-way tie for last place.

Closure — and a fresh start?

Smith said he expected Saturday's trip to Happy Valley to be, well, happy — win or lose. He didn't expect his eyes to well up. Tears would be reserved for a farewell dinner that would come in the days that followed.

"That's not gonna be the last time (I see the players)," Smith said before leaving for State College, Pa. "We'll come back, and we'll have our own little banquet — for the seniors — and that'll be the last time. That's the time that you cry."

But as the final seconds ticked off the scoreboard — and Smith's tenure with the Spartans — he found it hard to keep his feelings in check. He hugged each player as the Spartans entered the locker room.

"I didn't think I was gonna be emotional," Smith said, his voice on the verge of breaking, "but when you get in with those guys, it's different."

"That guy loves every single kid on this team," sophomore quarterback Brian Hoyer said after Saturday's loss. "It's real sad for me to see him go. He was one of the biggest reasons that I came to Michigan State. I followed him from Louisville. … He's a great guy, and I wish him the best of luck."

What's next for Smith? He said he still has the desire to coach, but he's not sure where or when. He still wants to be around "the kids" — it's all about the kids.

"We'll see you all down the road sometime, someplace, somewhere," Smith said.

Ethan Conley can be reached at conleyet@msu.edu.