The only time Gregory Hauser visits the former World Trade Center site in Lower Manhattan is when people from out of town visit.
It took him weeks after Sept. 11, 2001, to even muster the strength to walk by. Then, he could only get within blocks of the site. Now, being there makes him sick.
"It was a long time before I went there again," said Hauser, an MSU alumnus who lives on Manhattan's Upper West Side. "For them, it's symbolic. For us, though, it's part of our city. It's a grave site."
Hauser earned his bachelor's degree from MSU in 1975 and his master's degree in 1977, and now is president of the MSU Alumni Club of Greater New York, which includes the city and suburbs. Earlier this month he took a job as an attorney with a firm on Wall Street, just blocks from ground zero.
Five years ago today, Hauser was in court in suburban New City, N.Y. He didn't learn of the events until about 10 a.m., when he turned on the radio in his rented car and listened to the news reports.
"I'm sitting there listening to it, trying to figure out what was going on when they reported live the collapse of the first tower," he said. "I had to get out of my car because I was going to throw up."
He was unable to re-enter the city the next day, but when he returned, he faced a city that no longer looked the same.
"It was just disorienting," Hauser said. "Imagine Michigan State if all of a sudden tomorrow Hubbard Hall was no longer there (and) it was just a hole in the ground. And then that doesn't even completely capture it."
When the trailer for the recent "World Trade Center" film appeared a couple months ago, he said it was hard to watch.
When he finally saw the film, it was even harder to sit through.
"There were a couple times when I was in enough distress that I considered leaving," said Hauser, who thought the movie was done well. "There were a couple times when I folded up into a fetal position."
Since the attacks, Hauser said he has noticed a camaraderie among the city's residents that wasn't there before. The events reminded him of why he moved to New York 28 years ago — and forced him to ask himself whether he would stay.
"I don't exactly know why, but New York is a nicer place since," he said. "New Yorkers are nicer to each other."
He attended church services every day for the first few days afterward and now tries to go every Sunday. Hauser's deepened spirituality stems in part, he says, from the hope and understanding he gained from within the church doors.
"The events of 9/11 taught all of us in New York a very powerful lesson about take a minute and appreciate the day a little bit," he said. "You don't know when there won't be a next one."
