Mitch Coz
Never heard of him, right? Well he won't be anonymous much longer — he has the inside track to the starting punter position at Northern Colorado! Cozad was listed as a reserve, but after allegedly stabbing first-string punter Rafael Mendoza in the leg, he should be moving up the depth chart pretty quickly … once he gets out of jail.
Doug Flutie
Come on, you missed the little guy, didn't you? Let's all pour ourselves a bowl of Flutie Flakes to celebrate Flutie's debut as an ESPN analyst. Even if he stinks, it'll be an enjoyable experience for two reasons:
1. He's at least 8 inches shorter than everyone else in the studio.
2. It gives ESPN a reason to show Flutie's 1984 Hail Mary pass against Miami during every broadcast.
Tarell Brown
Apparently all the campaigning by Brown's slimy lawyer to have the Texas cornerback reinstated worked, because he's back in the starting lineup. As soon as Brown turns pro, expect him to field several endorsement offers from Texas gun dealerships. "Hi, I'm Tarell Brown, and when I need a new piece to rest on my lap while I cruise the streets of Austin at 3 a.m., I go to McBride's Gun Shop."
Penn State
The Nittany Lions were two seconds away from an undefeated season in 2005. We're only two games into the 2006 season, and they've already suffered a blowout loss. It looks like Joe Pa's return to coaching glory was only temporary.
Mack Brown
The "Crybaby of the Week" award goes to the head coach of Texas, who said college football's new clock rules cost his team a chance at a comeback victory against Ohio State on Saturday night. Brown's complaint is just a little off: It was actually the NCAA's decision to keep the value of a touchdown at six points — rather than raising it to 17 — that put a halt to the Longhorns' comeback hopes.
Chuck Amato
Much like Mack, Amato has been reaching deep, deep into the well of excuses to explain his team's shortcomings. The Oakley-clad N.C. State head coach said his team lost to Akron last week because "they're in a conference that allows non-qualifiers in school" (referring to academically troubled players). So to recap: N.C. State can produce defensive end prospects worthy of being selected ahead of Reggie Bush in the NFL Draft, but it can't field a roster good enough to beat a mid-major.
