Many children have invisible friends, but then they form social skills and their make-believe friends are forgotten. The Drinking Buddies, being children ourselves, can understand this phenomenon. Since nobody writes to us anymore, we've thought up some friends to send us e-mails. Over the past two semesters, these "friends" have written some pretty crazy stuff. Here are a few excerpts:

Dear Drinking Buddies, what is Budweiser's B-to-the-E?

-Joe Java

We were hoping no one would ever bring up this subject again. We're embarrassed to talk about it, but the road to healing begins with admittance. The truth is, we had two brief encounters with B-to-the-E. Our first encounter was during our spring break beer tour when, in a moment balanced between curiosity and lunacy, we decided to bring this product home to try it.

The bizarre combination of fruits could only be described collectively as "awfulberry," and the strange hint of beer reminded us of years of bad hangovers. We then wanted - no, we needed - to have more. You see, part of this wicked mix called B-to-the-E is a killer shot not only of caffeine but also guarana and ginseng.

Hi guys. It used to say "Drinking Buddies" on your picture, but now it just says "beer." What's the deal?

-Confused, Seattle, TX

Well, that's quite a simple answer. As you know, our last picture featured us in a three-quarter body shot, holding our mugs in joyous glee. What wasn't joyous was what the paper printed week after week. We are talking about the picture that made Matt appear to be 300 pounds. Matt is not 300 pounds, just so you know. He may be a problem drinker, a fifth-year senior, a below-average class attendee and a (shudder) theater major, but he is not 300 pounds. Ryan thinks this picture was great because he looked sophisticated and debonair while still maintaining a fun-loving attitude. Unfortunately, his current picture makes his head look big enough to be stuffed and placed on Mount Rushmore.

So a few weeks ago, two jerks came into the convenience store I work in and demanded I give them free beer because they were the "Drinking Buddies." Obviously, I told them to shove it. Weird, huh?

-Mildred Buzzkill

Not really, we do that all the time. Uh ... what we mean is, people impersonate us all the time, trying to get free beer. Everybody wants to be famous, but the truth is, there are a lot of downsides to fame. Luckily, those are overshadowed by free beer.

But they looked just like your picture...

Well, the thing is, um. We were really... uh... evil twins? No? See, you probably thought those people were us because they were so attractive and charming. Many people claim to have spotted the Drinking Buddies in public, but very few actually have. If you think you see us in public, check for the signs. Is Matt grossly overweight? Is Ryan's head the size of the moon? Are they drinking beers you've never heard of? If not, contact your local impostor authorities.

Yo. So i just got backfrom teh bar andI had a realy great beerthat i read in you're column was good and it was reallyl liking it but i saw this guy from higsh school that was a jerk so i threw my beeer at him and they throogh me out

-im sobernow, really

Dear Mr./Ms. Really, Thank you for your compliment/complaint. We, the Drinking Buddies, pride ourselves on individualized treatment of our readers and are pleased to answer your letter or e-mail. Your thoughts on "higsh school" and "teh bar" really intrigued us. We shall investigate your suggestions further. Thank you for sharing your ideas on "beeer." They made us laugh/cry/wax philosophical. We care about our readers and encourage you to continue reading our column.

E-mail us at drinkingbuddies@beer.com.