Paris Hilton is my dog. We go way back.

Kind of.

When I first heard her name, she was a still-unknown model for Iceberg Jeans. Little did I know she would take over the world with her quirky personality and unforgettable catch phrases.

Now Paris has done me wrong through the years. I've lost count of the number of tapes she's put out. I forgive her for dating Nick Carter, and I forgive her erroneous choice of language. But through it all, I've stuck by her.

Now several celebrities are in a tizzy because their phone numbers are out in the open. Somebody hacked into Paris' cell phone and posted the contents online.

Don't blame Paris. Blame the jerk or jerks who have too much time on their hands.

OK, so we're all a little thankful that we got a chance to call Ashley Olsen, Ashlee Simpson or the mysterious "Christina A." So, now what? A bunch of greasy-faced Funyuns-eating nerds are going to target every celebrity with a mobile device.

"We got Paris! Now we'll take over the world," the sinister geeks say, rubbing their hands like greedy old coots. And pretty soon, after they knock off Nicole Richie and the Gotti boys, they'll be going after us normal folks.

What type of sick pleasure do people get from messing with our technology? It still amazes me there are people out there who spend hours and hours devising formulas to screw people over. Today we are living in the revenge of the nerds.

For years, people have been hacking into nonuniversity accounts and sending unsuspecting users viruses - or endless invitations to purchase herbal supplements to enhance the size of your penis. I pity those that find it funny to screw with academic e-mail, though. College students have enough stress as it is. We don't need little things like fake messages to add to it.

But back to Paris. People love to hate her, but in an odd sort of way, she's become our patron saint. She is proof that no matter who you are, someone is out to mess with you, steal your joy and maybe even take your identity. Despite having millions of dollars at her disposal, she couldn't protect herself from the underbelly of society.

For lawyer Robert Shapiro, soap star Alexis Thorpe, mean girl Lindsay Lohan and whoever "Pharrel" is, don't be mad at Paris. Blame the geeks out there who aren't contributing to the goodwill of society. Use your star power and tell these jerks to get a life. Grow up. Some of them are scrubs that live with their moms - tell 'em to get a better-paying job and move out of the basement. Some of them may have doctorates in computer engineering - tell 'em to do something better with their degree and help find a cure for some of the viruses that affect the human body, instead of making them for my e-mail.

Revenge of the nerds? No. It's time for the revenge of the regular people, and we're praying for St. Paris to lead us.

Aaron Foley is the State News MS&U enterprise reporter. Reach him at foleyaar@msu.edu, but please keep "member" and "enlargement" out of the subject line.