I have a modest proposal for dealing with MSU's anticipated funding cuts that should excite the lovely folks at the Department of Police and Public Safety. Over the years, the 'U' has perfected cheating students out of additional money by employing a swarm of green truck-driving parking troops, which are trained to swoop down on unsuspecting students and yoke them with nagging citations. Notably the vast majority of students slapped with a fine are doing one of two things: 1) quickly running into their dorm to get change or use the facilities or 2) parking their vehicle so they can get to work on time to pay for tuition.

Another favorite trick of these crafty parking pirates is to issue multiple citations for the same "offense" on the same day. And why quit doing what works? Especially if you're getting rich!

Therefore, I propose a dramatic expansion of these heroic efforts. Tripling the fines and gradually converting all teaching staff to parking enforcers, circling campus like vultures 24-7. Then all our cash strapped bureaucrats need do is let the revenues flow from the pockets and purses of tuition straddled students to the university coffers.

Voilá! No funding crisis! On the other hand maybe we should spend a little less time harassing student drivers and a little more time worrying about a quality education.

Nathan Triplett
social relations and political theory and constitutional democracy junior