Who wants to bet a million bucks that any movie labeled as comedy and starring Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg would involve jokes about a)weed, and b)ho’s? If you took that bet, you’d be one smart cookie. “The Wash” is full of goofy jokes about smoking chronic and mackin’ on the honeys. And if you heard me say that for real, you’d realize just how white I really am.
High drama, it ain’t. What it is, though, is a bad excuse for comedy. The attempts at comedy are few and far between and aside from Snoop Dogg’s charm, there isn’t much to keep anyone looking at the screen. In fact, if you were to go to see this stinker stoned, as I imagine many of the suburban teen fans of the musical duo will, you will more than likely pass out in your nachos and large soda.
The plot? Well, if you’re really nitpicking, it centers around two guys in the South Central ’hood, Sean and Dee Loc (Dre and Snoop, respectively). The guys are struggling with making their rent every month, what with video games and weed to pay for, and when Sean loses his manager spot at Foot Locker, things get real tight.
So, Dee Loc suggests Sean apply for the open spot down at his job, The Wash, which is essentially a hang out for its employees, when they’re not too busy washing cars. Sean applies and gets it, and the sudden rift created by his newfound higher position is where the bulk of the human drama comes from.
This is the high point, so to speak: The complete pathos that Snoop and Dre create from the sudden difficulty in their friendship is awe-inspiring. They capture perfectly the way that two men, who have grown to trust each other over the years, are suddenly forced to question not only their companion, but themselves, in an effort to understand the intricacies of their own souls.
Yeah, I’m completely full of crap. Snoop and Dre do as well with the parts as possible, but if you’re looking for artsy-fartsy stuff, there’s no way you’re going to find it here. The guys square off, but like most conflicts between two guy friends, it’s over pretty easily.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot: There’s a part where their boss gets kidnapped. It’s not really all that important - but neither is the movie.
In fact, I’d place it into a category that we all recognize: The stoned Sunday category. This one is for all those people with nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon but get high and watch movies about getting high. I know some old people are getting their pens and papers ready to tell me how offensive I am - but they do exist. What do you think Cheech and Chong built their career on? Religious infomercials? No, on stoned people who wanted to watch the adventures of stoned people with a budget.
And that’s exactly what “The Wash” is. I wouldn’t touch it again with a 10-foot pole, but I quit smoking a long time ago. Otherwise, I’d spend a lot more money on popcorn and these reviews would make even less sense.
