Love in the time of texting

Technology is changing the way we maintain relationships and keep in touch with each other

Technology ruined a first date for Jake Emling. The biochemistry freshman went on a date with a girl who, instead of striking up conversation and attempting to have a good time, was text messaging the entire night, he said. “Everybody wants to know what everyone is doing at that given time,” Emling said. “The focus should be on the person you’re with — not the fact that this person is doing this right now, we should go see them, or so-and-so is having a party over there.” Forms of technology — such as social networking Web sites, e-mail and text messaging — are becoming more advanced every day, and with these advancements come the effects they have on relationships. These media, regardless of intention, affect personal relationships in different ways — whether it’s bringing people closer together or, in some cases, tearing them apart.

Back in the day

Technological advances can have their pros and cons when it comes to affecting relationships, communication associate professor John Sherry said.

“When we wrote letters 30 years ago, we didn’t keep in touch with each other and essentially we lost contact,” Sherry said. “Younger generations are very good at keeping connections with people, not only friends, but also family.”

Because cell phones and e-mail did not exist for older generations, people had more to talk about and catch up on than they do now — when people are in constant contact through text messages, instant messages or networking sites, such as Facebook.com, Sherry said.

“You know more things about the other person, and it’s more mundane,” he said.

When Sherry was younger, his family allowed one long-distance phone call per year because of cost.

“It was a big deal in my neighborhood if your family was making a long-distance call,” he said. “You’d tell all your friends and they’d be excited for you, and the whole family would gather around the phone.”

Yet a potential issue that arises with the advancement of technology is a lack of privacy, Sherry said.

“My generation looks at yours and says, ‘Don’t they have any sense of privacy at all?’” Sherry said. “You’re airing your dirty laundry for everyone to see, whereas it was fairly easy to keep secrets when I was in high school and college.”

Facebook official

But there are ways of keeping a person’s private life and public life separate, regardless of technology, Sherry said.

Many people manage their Facebook as a type of public relations front, where people can see what they want them to see, while the darker parts of a person’s lifestyle remain safely hidden, he said.

Putting personal information on the Internet can hurt as much as it can help friendships, said Kylie Lannen, an interdisciplinary studies in social science, human resources and society sophomore.

“Sometimes you’ll find out something you have in common with someone and become better friends with them and you wouldn’t have otherwise known about it,” Lannen said. “But it can work the other way around — you’ll find something out about someone and realize you don’t want to be their friend anymore.”

Lannen’s sister, Courtney Lannen, said if she did not attend the same school as her sister, keeping in contact would be simple because of how easy it is to communicate through today’s technology.

“It would’ve definitely been a lot easier today to be able to chat with her on Facebook or leave her a message just to say ‘How are you?’,” said Courtney Lannen, a no-preference sophomore. “In the past, with writing a letter or even from a phone call you might not be able to get the same amount of information.”

I.M. in class

When it comes to texting or Facebooking in class, Sherry said the same rules apply for any other type of distractions students have.

“I see it as impolite and disrespectful, but I’ve long given up on the desire to control students’ behavior,” he said. “They’re grown-ups — if they want to pay a lot of money to go to this school and get nothing for it, that’s up to them.”

Students take more liberties than they used to as a result of e-mail, Sherry said, such as making excuses or demands of the professor.

For professors, making sure students maintain a professional student-professor relationship regardless of technological advances is important, Sherry said.

“I try to ingrain into my students that the way they present themselves in written form says a lot about them,” he said.

“Once you send a memo that has typos or grammar problems, people begin to think you’re not very smart and tend to discount your ideas.”

Advantages for the introvert

Those who spend a lot of time online can form relationships they wouldn’t discover in person, psychology sophomore Sara Williamson said.

“For some people, it gives them the courage to actually interact with people,” Williamson said. “My brother is a computer addict and has a lot of online friends who share a lot of interests with him.”

Talking to people from behind a screen also can give shy people courage they wouldn’t otherwise have, Williamson said.

“There is something to be said for face-to-face interaction, but it’s easier to send a text and ask someone to hang out at a certain time, instead of calling them and having the chance of them saying, ‘No, I don’t like you anymore,’” she said.

Moderation is a must

Advancements in technology take away the personal level of communication that relationships could have, said David Weitzner, an adjunct instructor at the University of Southern California’s School of Cinematic Arts.

“Technology is robbing you of your ability to communicate on an emotional level,” Weitzner said. “You hide behind e-mail and texting, don’t make eye contact and no longer spell or write correctly.”

Being able to use technology in moderation is a must, Weitzner said.

“It’s fine if we know how to use it without interfering with our lives,” he said. “Human communication is essential, and we can’t do that if we hide behind a screen.”

Emling, who is from the Upper Peninsula, said a person’s location can affect how caught up people are in technology.

“Down here, more people will try and multitask and have way too many things on their plate — but back home it’s kind of slower-paced and there’s not as much going on,” Emling said.

“But we don’t have as much technology — I’m lucky if I have one bar on my cell phone.”

Published on Monday, October 6, 2008