Their experiences that night — Kalawa hiding in the Union and Hanania hiding in his fraternity house — shook them. Now, two years later, they say while it’s not something they can forget about, they have made progress toward healing.

Kalawa, a junior in human biology, said he’s doing better than in past years when it comes to handling his emotions as the anniversary approaches. 

“Obviously, there's still something there in my heart about it, but everything's getting good on my end,” Kalawa said. “Obviously I’m still feeling for everyone else that was affected that day, but I'm very grateful for where I am right now. My heart goes out to all the families and people who were impacted.”

That night, Kalawa was studying on the second floor of the MSU Union with his AirPods in. He recalled the floor being mostly empty except for a couple of students in different rooms. All of a sudden, he could not hear anything. 

He looked up and saw a woman who was crying. She yelled “Oh my God, active shooter downstairs, everyone run, hide and take cover.”

Kalawa then started to register what was happening. 

He recalled freezing up, not knowing what to do. Kalawa and other students ran to find a Union employee and took shelter in a room, locking the door behind them. They hid in the room for the rest of the night. 

Hanania, a supply chain junior, was at the fraternity house when he and his brothers first heard about the shooting, initially through social media and then through a university-wide email alerting students about an active shooter. The email advised students to "run, hide, fight."

“We all went upstairs, hiding on the third floor, just everyone in rooms,” Hanania said. “We had like 15, 20 guys in each room, just with the doors locked, kind of being quiet, all the lights turned off, just kind of getting updates, listening to the cop radio the whole entire time. We were there for the rest of the night.”

Hanania, Kalawa and other students would stay sheltered in place for more than five hours. During that time, Kalawa and Hanania were in constant communication, with Kalawa sharing updates from the Union. Shortly after midnight, they received the all-clear. 

The morning following the shooting, Kalawa was left in a state of “pure shock,” struggling to register what had happened.

“You hear about school shootings all around the nation and you never expected to happen to your school,” Kalawa said. “I was just in shock, even after five hours, I couldn't process it at all because I was just so shocked, and I didn't know what to think. A lot of people went home. I kind of just went back to my dorm, sat there for like an hour, just like, ‘holy s—, that's insane.’”

For Hanania, the terror of the night before didn’t feel real. His uncle lived in the area and was able to pick up Hanania and his sister from campus. During the car ride home, Hanania, left in disbelief, was asking himself if what just happened was a dream.

Kalawa spent the day with his family, who he said was worried for his safety and praying — one of the things that was part of his coping process. 

A girl Kalawa had been hiding with the night before found his mom on Facebook and got in contact with him, he said, which led to them finding more. 

“We ended up finding all those people that were in the room with us on social media,” he said. “We were kind of texting with them all day, praying for everybody, and just talking about everything that happened and checking in on them.”

Hanania’s coping process also started when he returned home and was greeted by worried family members. The next morning when he awoke, nearly his whole family was there. It was nice to see that his family was there for him and his sister, he said.  

Kalawa and Hanania saw each other again for the first time a week after the shooting.

"It was great and sentimental and nice to see (Hanania) because it’s been so long after an event like that," Kalawa said. "I gave him a big hug." 

Kalawa acknowledged that while his grief has lessened over the past two years, it will always stay with him.

“I would say for such a traumatic event like that, that’ll never leave your heart,” Kalawa said. “You'll always have some kind of grief for that, especially with everyone that was affected, that's always going to be moving in your heart.”

Hanania said even though he’s in a similar place, the memories from that night will never leave him. What he experienced will rush back to him on the anniversary, he said. 

“Some memories and what happened, I'll never forget that and how I felt, and it’ll never leave me,” Hanania said. “But I’m starting to kind of get to the point where on a daily basis I'm OK, but when the day comes, all those memories will come back and how I felt, I will obviously remember what happened. For the most part, the grief has been gone.”

Offering advice to those who will also be experiencing memories this Feb. 13, Kalawa encouraged students to say a prayer, which is still part of his coping process.

“Pray for those who were severely affected. Pray for all of those that were on the campus, for the families,” Kalawa said. “I think having faith and always keeping Christ in your heart, I feel like that could get you through almost anything.”

Hanania encouraged students to talk to others who are feeling the same emotions on the two-year anniversary.

“I feel like, if you talk and open up about how you feel, that's the best way to get how you’re feeling off your chest,” Hanania said. “Once you get it off your chest, you'll relieve a lot of pressure, and you'll feel a lot better.”