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MSU faculty member composes song, titled 'Wings,' for Nassar survivors

June 14, 2018
Graduate advisor for the College of Music Susan Hoesktra poses for a portrait in her office on June 7, 2018.
Graduate advisor for the College of Music Susan Hoesktra poses for a portrait in her office on June 7, 2018. —
Photo by Matt Schmucker | The State News

If Susan Hoekstra’s name was typed into the MSU search engine, it would reveal she is a graduate adviser for the College of Music.

What it wouldn't say about Hoekstra is that she is also a wife, mother, musician and sexual abuse survivor.

Hoekstra wrote the song “Wings” in honor of the 332 individuals who survived sexual abuse at the hands of ex-MSU and USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar. She hopes the song will find its way to all the victims and their families.

“It’s really for the victims and I hope somehow they get it, or even the victim’s families," Hoekstra said. "I wanted to capture as much as I could the tenderness, the somberness, empathy and a little inspiration. That’s a hard line to find.”

Hoekstra’s roots

When news about Nassar first broke on MSU's campus, Hoekstra said she felt waves of emotions. As a survivor of sexual abuse herself, the reports about Nassar's abuse hit close to home. 

“I think when this all came out, it triggered a lot for me and because I have been a victim of sexual abuse myself” Hoekstra said. “I’ve been fortunate to heal from that and I think one of the things that’s helped me heal from that is that somebody was there for me.”

In addition to the song, Hoekstra composed a blog post about meaningful mentorship. She named the post after a phrase she uses as a mantra, “Be Somebody to Somebody.”

For victims of sexual abuse or any form of trauma, Hoekstra said she believes in the power of empathy, bonding, empowerment and that good can triumph over evil.  

“I suppressed what happened to me for a very long time," Hoekstra said. "Years later after it happened, somebody walked alongside me."

In Hoekstra's story, a little compassion went a long way. Her experiences helped to inspire her initiative to write this song.

“I call it my compassion project.”

After the initial reactions to hearing about the many victims of Larry Nassar, Hoekstra felt compelled to react with an open heart.

"I think sometimes we respond to a tragedy with ‘how does this affect me?’ I wanted to respond with compassion,” Hoekstra said.

The project has several ties to MSU, which makes it very personal to Hoekstra.

“I was so overwhelmed by this and I’m not alone," Hoekstra said. "All of us felt it around here. I work at MSU, I graduated from MSU, I love MSU. I was very distraught, like most of us are and still are.”

Hoekstra began writing a poem which then became a song. At times, she felt hesitant about writing the song. She was apprehensive of how it would be received.

“Who writes a song about sexual abuse?" Hoekstra said she asked herself. "This isn’t happy, happy. It’s not like that.”

Hoekstra said she accepted the sadness and carried it with her throughout her process. The sadness and tragedy of the Nassar scandal on campus led to Hoekstra's poem being turned into the finished product, called “Wings.”  

“My goal has always been that this song gets in the hands of the victims," Hoekstra said.

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The words comforted Hoekstra, so she hoped putting the song in the hands of other survivors would cause a similar effect. After drafting the initial poem, Hoekstra worked to edit and put the poem to music. She then produced a video accompaniment to the poem. The end product was a song to begin sharing with the survivors. 

Hoekstra wanted this song to be a tribute to those who spoke out and confronted Nassar at his trials in Ingham County and Eaton County Circuit Courts. In the video, Hoekstra's music is accompanied by various photographs of the survivors as they spoke before Judge Rosemarie Aquilina and Nassar himself.

“I think with the pictures it adds a little more emphasis on the story and the trial and the bravery they showed during that trial,” Hoekstra said.

Not just Nassar

Hoekstra said she recognizes problems of sexual abuse reach much farther than MSU’s campus.

“The reality is, this doesn’t just happen on our campus," Hoekstra said. "This happens to individuals all the time. I’m saddened that it happened here, but I’m also grateful that somebody is talking about it.”

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years old. 

This statistic weighs on Hoekstra, but it also has moved her to do her part in the movement against silencing victims of sexual assault. 

“This is a tale as old as time," Hoekstra said. "This kind of stuff has been going on all along and it all has to do with power.”

Hoekstra said writing and producing this song for the survivors gave her the chance to reclaim her power and she hopes it inspires survivors of Larry Nassar to continue to reclaim theirs. 

Moving forward

In the blog post that explains her thoughts behind the song, Hoekstra said that sexual abuse is complex. She compared healing to an onion. All people experience and react to life differently and therefore, they have different "layers." When it comes to trauma, healing happens in stages and layers, just like peeling apart an onion. 

“There are a lot of programs out there that can help with healing, from the psychological, to the spiritual," Hoekstra said. "Most of my healing came from spiritual, but I think there’s lots of mechanisms for healing and it’s going to be different for every person.”

Hoekstra also said she believes for healing to take place, people need to feel safe. She said this is especially important for students at MSU.

“There needs to be a place where there is safety," Hoekstra said. "Students need to feel safe and be able to say what they need to say."

She encourages people to not only be there for others, but to listen, rather than be quick to find solutions. Hoekstra said that "Wings" is not meant to serve as a solution to the pain and trauma experienced by survivors of sexual abuse. However, she does hope it'll brings comfort and build solidarity among survivors.

“What I hope happens is that people never forget," Hoekstra said. "This can’t go on."

To listen to Hoekstra's full song, visit this link.

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