I ’ m not someone who has totally mastered the art of letting go. In fact, I haven’t even come close to mastering it — it’s all too easy for me to become emotionally attached to people, which is something I’ve always viewed as a flaw in my design.
Especially when those people do more to hurt me than build me up.
I’ve kept a lot of people in my life who could have been considered toxic to my personal well-being while growing up.
Sometimes I didn’t even realize their negative influences on my life, and it took the insistence of some good friends to open my eyes.
Other times I felt how badly they were hurting me, but I did nothing about it.
I let the damage keep happening because every time I looked at these people, my mind still recognized them as people I cared deeply about.
In one situation, I was only able to see a person who talked to me every day, and not the person who used my life as an open door they could walk in and out of at their own choosing.
I only realized how harmful this waiting around and questioning myself was when my friends noticed how pale I became whenever this person contacted me.
That’s not a healthy relationship to have with someone.
Simply receiving someone’s attention, even someone you admire, should not be used to validate your importance as a person.
Another rocky relationship, this one a part of my life for a much longer period of time, was made up of obligatory text messages and apology letters.
This person was a role model of mine until I became too scared to talk to him. Every confrontation with him turned me into the bad guy to the point where I didn’t trust myself to tell him when he was wrong.
Every time I tried to, I’d walk away feeling completely defeated, even when I wasn’t the one in the wrong.
My problem with both these people was that I never told them they hurt me, and the thing about people is they sometimes don’t even realize what they’re doing is harmful. I want to think that neither of them was aware of it, but I can’t genuinely know that without confronting them.
That’s the first step that should be taken when dealing with someone whose presence in your life is a negative one — let them know they’ve hurt you. Nothing gets solved without communication and, once the problem is out in the open, steps can be taken to fix it.
Toxic people don’t always have to be removed from your life completely, because if they can change how they treat you, they can become a healthy part of your life.
But if they don’t, if the situation continues to be harmful to you even after you confront them, it’s time to cut them out.
Whether this person is a parent, an ex or someone you once considered a close friend, the time to let them go is when the relationship continues to hurt you. Because if they don’t stop after you confront them with it, they’re not going to stop at all.
Life is short, and it should be spent with people who take away the hurt, not who keep adding it on.
Casey Holland is a State News reporter. Reach her at cholland@statenews.com.
