I have a strategy when it comes to the game “Never Have I Ever.” For people unfamiliar with the game, it involves friends, or people trying to get to know each other, who gather in a circle and hold up ten fingers. Each person says something they haven’t done, and the people who have done that act put a finger down.
The acts can range from goofy to very personal. From “never have I ever seen an episode of ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’” to “never have I ever drank alcohol.”
If I want to make the entire circle put a finger down, all I have to do is say, “never have I ever been kissed.”
You read correctly, folks — I’m 19 years old and have yet to experience a butterfly-inducing first kiss.
I always used to feel like I was falling behind, and the more time that passed by, the less likely it would be for me to catch up.
It kept me awake at night. I tossed and turned for endless hours as I ran through every possible thing that must be wrong with me. I thought I just wasn’t pretty enough, or fun enough or just enough in general.
I didn’t tell many people about my lack of a love life, because I was genuinely embarrassed by it.
There should not be time limits imposed by society when it comes to life experiences.
Not experiencing your first kiss or having sex by the time you’re twenty doesn’t mean that it won’t happen to you. You don’t have to go to college right after you graduate, and you don’t necessarily need to have a driver’s license when you turn sixteen.
Everything happens to people at a different pace, but through pop culture the media tends to shame people who don’t experience these things before certain points in their life.
Take “We’re the Millers,” for example. The awkward fake-son Kenny admitted that he had never been kissed, which stunned Casey, Emma Roberts’ character.
“Wait, what? Aren’t you like, 18?” she asked in the film.
Even innocent comments like this stung me and reinforced my own inner argument that something was wrong with me.
And sometimes, mentally unstable individuals can take society’s expectations to heart and react violently. The USCB shooting occurred because Elliot Rodger, a disturbed individual, felt entitled to these superficial expectations and lashed out because he didn’t receive them.
I have come to terms with the fact that my life is going to happen on its own time, and there’s no point in wanting to rush so-called “coming-of-age” milestones.
It wasn’t until this year that I realized not having kissed anyone doesn’t make me a weirdo, nor does it make me any less of a person. Putting a time limit on things like this and all other firsts can be harmful, and honestly, it takes away from the moment you’re already living in.
Everything will happen, eventually. My mom didn’t find the love of her life until she was older than 40. My grandma wants to start taking community college classes. I’m getting my driver’s license this summer.
Don’t dwell on what hasn’t happened — focus on all of the moments you still have left to experience, whenever they may occur.
