You see, I recently had a visitor who came to my office to chat with me about what I do here at Olin Health Center. It was a casual conversation. I remember thinking: “What a nice person.” As we ended the conversation, I’m almost sure I said what I say to most people as a parting salutation: “Life is good.”

It was the last thing I would say to my visitor, who died approximately a week later. I have come to find out my visitor had committed suicide. Needless to say, the impact on the family and the people around this individual was most likely intense and immediate. My heart grieves as if I knew my visitor. Actually, I did, even if it was for but a moment. It’s in that moment I now wish I would’ve been able to respond to a question I can only assume may have been somewhere in the mind of my visitor. The question, “Is there value in continuing a life for which there seems to be no hope, no connection and nothing but pain?”

I have to say my heart aches even as I type the question, for there is a palpable hurt in my soul as I think about someone having to ask themselves such a question. It’s easy for someone like myself to feel “life is good,” because I do see the hope. I feel connected and I’ve learned to deal with the pain of the present. But for others who may not be, and isn’t always, the case.

They say suicide is a choice people make to deal with life. I’m not sure if it’s as much a choice in the mind of the one who it is happening to as an inevitable action of the perceived lack of choices. When one loses hope, feels no connections and life is nothing but pain, it’s hard to see the other “choices.” So, how would I have answered my visitor’s question if asked? I’m still not sure, but this is what I am thinking:

“The value I see in life can only be measured in the present moment. At this moment I am here to listen, and thus in this moment, I see value. I do not know what you are feeling or not feeling. I do not know what has happened that would allow you to see no hope or feel no connection. What I do know is that you hurt. I would like to know how I can best help you get to a place where some connection may be restored and where hopefully a sense of hope can begin to be nourished. I’m here and willing to be a part of the process.”

That is what I would have wanted to say at that moment, if I had been asked. I realize suicide can be — and many times is — much more complex than that. But we need to start somewhere, and this is where I would have started. The words may not have been heard and in some cases they are inconsequential to the action of just being there.

There are students, faculty and staff on this campus who on a daily basis lose hope, have no connection and are in pain. For some, suicide may be the only answer they hear, because they never ask anyone else for various reasons. If you ever feel this way and want to ask questions, you should know there are many on this campus who will answer.

You can call the MSU Counseling Center at (517) 355-8270, Employee Assistance Program at (517) 355-4506 or Olin Health Center at (517) 353-4660 for an appointment.

If it’s an emergency, you can call The Listening Ear Crisis Intervention Center at (517) 337-1717 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Both are open 24 hours a day.

Engaging others and being available to help answer questions is what gives value to our lives. I began this column by addressing “To whom it may concern.” The fact is, I should have addressed it “To all who should be concerned.”

Peace.

—Dr. D.