I am freakin’ that I’m going to get AIDS.

When and where can I be tested for AIDS?

—TR

TR,

Thanks for the question and let’s deal with the “freakin’” first.

Dude, the chances of you contracting HIV from deep kissing a person are as probable as the Pope using the word “freakin’” in his next sermon.

Possible, yes, probable, no.

I think this is an important distinction you need to understand.

You see, I am constantly asked about possibilities in my line of work.

Could I possibly be pregnant, have a problem, get sick, be HIV-positive?

The fact is, I can only be true to you with an answer based on probabilities.

Otherwise I would always be saying, “Sure there is a possibility” because by definition, there is.

I usually reserve the concept of a “possibility” for when I buy a lottery ticket.

HIV is a virus that can be transferred to another person basically through four types of bodily fluids: blood, semen, vaginal secretions and breast milk.

We can detect HIV antibodies in cheek cells and there could be some present in saliva, but it would take a metric ton of saliva passed from one person to the next for there to be even a remote probability to pass the virus.

Now I have been witness to some real serious deep kissing, but a metric ton of saliva being passed from one person to the other is just “freakin’” not going to happen.

Granted, if there is blood mixed with the saliva, that might raise the probability a bit, but still, you are talking about “Northwestern beats MSU in basketball at Breslin Center” odds.

Most cases of HIV transmission that happen during sexual encounters are due to anal, vaginal and rarely oral sex in which semen that carries the virus is ejaculated into the unprotected opening.

Also, an HIV infection can be passed through vaginal secretions to a male or another woman.

Blood can be passed this way as well but usually, in the case of sexual encounters, it is infected semen that is the cause.

Should you be tested?

Well, that question depends on if you believe you have a risk.

A risk is determined by what you have done in the way of putting yourself in a position to have contracted HIV.

If the above action is your only risk then I would say get your cholesterol or blood pressure tested first or, better yet, do a testicular exam.

If you have had unprotected intercourse with an IV drug user, or men who have sex with other men or have unprotected intercourse with multiple partners, then you may want to do yourself a favor and get a test.

It’s all about the risk behaviors you have chosen to be involved in.

Olin Health Center does both blood and oral anonymous free testing for HIV antibodies.

All you need to do is call (517) 353-4660 and schedule a test.

When should you test? That depends on when your last behavioral encounter or exposure was where you may have had a fluid that could carry the virus.

Standard HIV antibody tests are fairly accurate at detecting HIV antibodies 21 days after exposure.

However, sometimes it can take up to three months.

In rare cases it can take up to six months to a year to get an accurate test but, as I said, this is rare.

Finally, dude, next time you get hammered, the only thing you should suck on is oxygen — never mind contracting HIV.

Is this really the state you want to be in when you express yourself?

If your answer is yes, then I would say there is a high probability that you are hiding from something.

Risk being true — it’s a lot more “deep.”

Carpe veritas.

—Dr. D

Dennis Martell, Ph.D., is a coordinator of Olin Health Education. E-mail him your questions at dennis.martell@ht.msu.edu.