Have you seen the reality series "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?"

I have, and it's great. My metrosexual tendencies give me the opportunity.

Have you turned on ESPN lately? Or browsed through ESPN.com? If not, trust me when I say "Queer Eye" should find a time slot on the "Leader in Sports."

On Wednesday, ESPN.com released an article announcing that NBA rookie sensations LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony hold first and second, respectively, on the NBA's individual players sales rankings list. As odd as the article seems for a Web site dedicated to game analysis and player trades, the LeBron-Carmelo jersey sales story was thrown under the bearded identifier of "Sports Business."

Clothing and sports - the new phenomenon. I expect clothing to mesh with the hip-pop world of MTV, but not my beloved ESPN.

Next thing you know, five guys, possibly an NBA starting lineup - much like "Queer Eye's" 'Fab Five' - will stop by a male fan's home to improve five facets of his life.

Imagine the Portland Trailblazers starting lineup shows up on your doorstep. I can see it now, just follow along.

First, the "Grooming Guru," Jeff McInnis, walks in to instruct you in the art of the tight fade accented by a white head band.

Next, the "Substances Connoisseur," Damon Stoudamire, enters your home to teach you the ways of selecting the perfect mind-altering herbs. After finding the flavor to fit your mood, Stoudamire walks you through the "piece" selecting process. Stoudamire's expertise (and criminal record) assure the perfect evening of "Trailblazin'" and falling asleep on your living room couch to the soothing sounds of Bob Marley.

"Fashion Savant" and ex-MSU forward Zach Randolph returns to East Lansing to visit your home. Randolph admits that your early exits are unfashionable when your talents are needed, but says "The bling-bling and throwback jerseys are the … "

Welcome to your home the "Culture Vulture" Bonzi Wells (who was traded to the Memphis Grizzlies Wednesday afternoon). With his many years of cultured experience, the socialite gives you a lesson in the arts of obscenities, bird-flipping and crotch-grabbing.

Finally, "Design Doctor," Rasheed Wallace whisks you away on a tour of the city's tattoo establishments. No NBA fan should be without a tattoo, or 18 of them, with witty slogans like "Hold My Own" and "All Eyes On Me."

After the experience, you end up sharing an emotional "thank you" session with the model citizens of the Western Conference and are sent off with your new-found knowledge. Back in their screening room, Portland starters watch and critique your every move, but refreshments served by Stoudamire leave the comments to a minimum and a group of six-plus-footers engaged in some sleepy time.

This is what I mean. Sports and fashion shouldn't mix. Sports and fashion lead to boring entertainment. Sports encompass brilliant athleticism, competition, beauty and grace. Sure, the uniforms look cool, but that is athletics at a monetary level. Sports are to be played and the winners crowned.

Hey, LeBron and Carmelo are brilliant talents. I applaud them on their jersey sales; I'm sure their wallets are more than full. But sports about winning championships.

NBA babies, I hope you learn.

Paul Day is The State News hockey reporter. He can be reached at daypaul@msu.edu.