Alas! The 2003 WNBA Draft was canceled Monday, and this just might be a prelude to tough times ahead for the ugly duckling of the sports world.
In a sport where low scores and air balls from 3-point land seem abundant, the queen of women's sports is in more dire straits than Mark Knopfler.
League officials said if an agreement between the WNBA and its players is not reached by Friday, the oodles and oodles of women's basketball fans (and by oodles and oodles, I mean five) can forget about the entire season.
The rub comes from different perceptions players and league officials have about average salaries, among other things. ESPN reported the WNBA Player's Association believes the league's average salary is $46,000 - a good $14,000 less than what officials claim.
Apparently, nobody in this league can do math. So, here we are with the league's season, and perhaps future, on the line.
Tear.
Seriously, I never liked watching women's basketball, and I still don't. Slap me silly and call me sexist, but I don't like seeing the "gigantic" 6-foot-tall Missy Frumpington cruise down the court and launch an air ball from 3-point land.
WNBA games are downright boring.
It's moderately sad, though. I remember becoming slightly interested in the WNBA when former Detroit Piston Bill Laimbeer became head coach of the Detroit Shock in 2002.
I was anticipating Laimbeer's hard-nose attitude to come to the Shock. I expected, no - demanded - to see women thrusting their elbows into each others' bodies and creating a new "Bad Girls" brand of basketball that could rival the "Bad Boys" days of yore.
Instead, the Shock missed the playoffs, and my distaste for estrogen-charged basketball diminished.
Which begs the question: Why should anyone care about the WNBA season possibly being canceled?
Well, friend, the answer is easy.
Fan turnout is low, and low for a reason. The WNBA averaged a whopping 9,228 fans a game during the 2002 season, and the NBA was a smidgen ahead with 16,966 fans per game during the same season.
Don't feel bad if you enjoy watching billiards on ESPN more than the WNBA - 100 other Americans are likely in your boat.
If the league dissipates for good, just toss it under the carpet with the World Hockey Association, United States Football League and American Basketball Association. If the WNBA folds, in seven years' time, nobody will give a hoot about it.
And rightfully so.
While I'm at it, shame on the MLB for striking from 1994-1995. Shame on the NHL for striking during the same year and possibly striking again next year. And shame on a sport nobody cares about possibly going on strike.
You know what? Let's just do away with the MLB and NHL, too. Let's scrap anything that has to do with money-grubbing glory hounds, once and for all. I don't need the endless hours of playoff hockey entertainment. I don't need the thrill of watching San Francisco slugger Barry Bonds smack another pitch out of the park.
And Lord knows I don't need to watch Houston Comets great Sheryl Swoopes build a dynasty by herself.
Kristofer Karol, State News sports administration reporter, is just a cynical she-hater because he doesn't have a girlfriend. He can be reached at karolkri@msu.edu.
