Like youngsters on Ritalin, Death Ro and McSkinny are ready for the 2002 college football season.
The Spartans take the field Saturday against Eastern Michigan, and there’s a wretched stench blowing in from Ann Arbor, so that means it’s time for your favorite pigskin prognosticators to strap on the pads and put it through the uprights.
We might not know what we’re talking about half the time, but we have no qualms about making complete fools of ourselves.
So without further ado, here are our predictions for this weekend’s gridiron madness.
Death Ro on No. 18 MSU vs. Eastern Michigan
One question: Can the Spartans cover the 37-point spread?
Easily. I’d put all of my fall semester books and my roommate’s computer on it.
This is the best possible way to kick off the new season.
I know of nothing that will be more fun than watching the Spartans pound the Eagles into the new grass at Spartan Stadium.
I think the most intriguing aspect of this game will be if MSU head coach Bobby Williams decides to let junior Spartan quarterback Jeff Smoker and junior wide receiver Charles Rogers play pitch-and-catch in the second half.
The Spartans have outscored the Eagles 98-7 in the last two meetings - expect more of the same Saturday. I’m in favor of calling in the National Guard to make sure things don’t get too ugly.
OK, maybe I’m getting carried away. Then again, maybe not.
The Spartans win this one big 55-10. McSkinny: MSU 62, EMU 10
Death Ro on No. 11 Washington vs. No. 13 Michigan
After losing the regular season finale to Ohio State (26-20) and the Citrus Bowl to Tennessee (45-17), the “Wolverweenies” have to prove they can win a big game.
Most importantly, U-M quarterback John Navarre must prove he can resist his insatiable desire to throw interceptions.
He should be fine until the Huskies determine which receiver he’s staring down. Then it’ll get interesting.
No matter what Navarre does, this will be a tough one for Washington. I can’t imagine the Wolverweenies gift wrapping another win to the Huskies.
Michigan’s defense can be tough on quarterbacks. What’s my advice to Washington quarterback Cody Pickett? Throw to wide receiver Reggie Williams (6-4, 220 pounds) early and often. It’ll make for interesting television to see who wins the battle between Williams and Michigan cornerback Marlin Jackson.
We all know Michigan head coach Lloyd Carr thinks his team deserves better. We’ll see if they play like it. As much as I want them to suffer this season, I’m picking the ’Weenies to redeem themselves 23-17. McSkinny: U-M 28, Washington 24
McSkinny on No. 21 Maryland vs. Notre Dame
Ah yes, the Kickoff Classic. I always thought it made sense to have the Kickoff Classic a week after the college football season kicked off.
I mean, we all know football fans have been tailgating for a solid week now, but are we all really so drunk that we don’t notice?
Oh well, I guess you’d have to be drunk to watch the Fighting Irish. Hell, even the leprechaun will be drunk this season.
The only chance Notre Dame head coach Tyrone Willingham has of a successful first season would be if he suited up himself. We know he’s good (c’mon, he’s an MSU alumnus), but not even Touchdown Jesus could revive the Irish this season.
Not that he would, as he’s probably still bitter the administration blocked his sweet view.
But the Terrapins aren’t looking so hot either. Ralph Friedgen (or the “Big Terp”) did a good job in his first season, but he’ll be without tailback Bruce Perry.
Twinkle toes tore his left groin in practice when an offensive lineman stepped on his foot. Yeah, real durable, huh? It makes you wonder how the guy posted 1,242 yards last season.
The Terps won’t hang in the Top 25 for long, but they will spank the Irish 27-9. Death Ro: Maryland 31, Notre Dame 13
Death Ro on No. 8 Georgia vs. Clemson
These two teams haven’t locked up since 1995.
Clemson head coach Bobby Bowden is going to wish he had waited another year or two, especially with the game being played in Athens, Ga.
Clemson quarterback Willie Simmons, who is making his starting debut, might want to consider putting on some extra pads with three of his five offensive linemen making their first career starts.
Georgia is looking to make a statement this year as they push for an SEC title. And I don’t think the Bulldogs will mind feasting on a cross-town rival in front of a national audience.
If it’s not in Tallahassee, Fla., I don’t buy into Bowden ball. Georgia 30, Clemson 6. McSkinny: Georgia 45, Clemson 10
McSkinny on No. 14 Louisiana State vs. No. 16 Virginia Tech
As much as I hate to admit it, Little Nicky has one hell of a team down in the bayou.
But that’s what happens when you sell your soul to the devil.
I don’t know, maybe it was a good trade. LSU head coach Nick Saban is regarded as one of the greatest defensive minds in football and all he had to give up was his heart and soul. I mean, it’s football, who needs compassion?
Yes, I would love to see the Hokies kick Saban in the junk come Sunday in Blacksburg, Va. But with the devil in his pocket, only the all-mighty himself could take down LSU.
And as I previously stated, Touchdown Jesus has been on sabbatical for a while now.
Yeah, I know, the Hokies blasted Arkansas State 63-7 last weekend, but it’s Arkansas State. The XFL had more talent than Arkansas State.
Little Nicky would eat his own young before he’d let his defense give up 288 rushing yards. Don’t expect a lot of points as LSU will grind out a 17-10 win. Death Ro: Va. Tech 26, LSU 21
Romando J. Dixson and Eric McKinney are the State News football reporters. Let them know how wrong they were on this weekend’s predictions at dixsonro@msu.edu and mckinn54@msu.edu.
